"SOAP VS BODY WASH" RANT 12-19-11

Well today I am returning to the root purpose of this "Rant" blog. My last two political Rant's met with spirited discussion on both sides of the ball. You must be close to center when you can inspire both sides to comment. There were some excellent points made, and I respect all the comments. With that said let's move on.:)

I am sure that "SOAP VS BODY WASH" is not a question everyone ponders in the morning, but after my experience, maybe we should.

I have come to the conclusion that "BODY WASH" is a "DIABOLIC" product invented just to piss us off! Follow me on THIS journey, I promise to keep it "CLEAN" (I know, but I couldn't resist)

I woke up on Sunday preparing to take my usual shower and keep my universe in sync, when I suddenly realized I was out of soap! Now, I have been using bars of soap since my earliest memories, I don't think I can remember a time when I was out of soap. (This is due to an amazing stocking job by my wife!) Today however, there is no soap to be found! Since I am partial to only two brands of the "LITTLE RECTANGULAR BARS OF CLEANER" I sensed a crisis arising!

I proceeded downstairs to see if my wife could direct me to some "EMERGENCY STASH" of the product, but NAY-NAY (to use John Pinnett's phraseology) there was none to be found. My wife then made the "EVIL" suggestion that I use "BODY WASH". That is when the fun began!

Now guys, if you are not familiar with "BODY WASH" pay close attention, you are about to be educated! My wife began to show me various bottles of these "POTIONS" that vary in consistency and fragrance (women's of course) from "COCONUT" to COCOA BUTTER! My vision was that of projecting the fragrance of a member of the opposite sex all day! I was not looking forward to this.

I then found out my son uses "BODY WASH" (fragranced for men, natuarally.) and his isn't cheap! Over $3.00 a bottle! WHAT THE HELL! I know that the soap I use is not over $3.00 a bar! Oh I forgot, my son's is also a SHAMPOO! I don't know about you, but I find "MULTI-PURPOSE" products very dubious.  I am also now wondering how much we spend on "BODY WASH.. hhhmmm

Well finally I find one of these "ALIEN MIXTURES" I can live with, and head to the shower. Well little did I know that finding some was just the begining! My first problem was with coordination. Now, when you are using soap, as long as you hold the bar of "SOAP" you have a uninterrupted supply of cleaner :) Simple concept huh? As long as you do not drop it, your showering experience flows smoothly! NOT WITH BODY WASH! First you need to squeeze this "MIXTURE" that has the  consistency of  JOHN CARPENER'S "THE BLOB" from the bottle. This needs to happen continuously, as there is never enough in your hands. Now I don't know about you, but I don't need to be pounding and squeezing a bottle like it was ketchup, so I can get clean! Then this "GOO" never  lathers up!!  I found it extremely labor intensive. Sorry, I don't get in the shower to work. It reminded me of those little bars of soap you get at a hotel THAT NEVER SEEM TO LATHER!

Finally, after what seemed like working an 8 hour day I was finished, or so I thought. Here is the really "DIABOLICALLY DEADLY" part. All the lather you didn't think you were getting while showering, had silently, and invisibly, accumulated on the bottom of the tub! When I went to get out of the shower I slid from back to front like TOM CRUISE on the wood floor in "RISKY BUSINESS", but trust me, it did not look as graceful or as smooth :) After righting myself I did manage to escape with nothing broken but my dignity.


So here is my advice. If you are like me and have a "HARMONIOUS" morning routine and are used to bars of "SOAP", then run out and buy as much of your "FAVORITE PERSONAL CLEANER" as your bank account and storage capacity will permit. Buy it as though the world as you know it was coming to end tomorrow. Do anything to avoid using the "COLD WAR LAB" invention called "BODY WASH"!

However, If you want a "FEAR FACTOR", and "RISKY BUSINESS" experience in your tub or shower...Then there is a product just daring you to use it..yes, once again, "BODY WASH"! :O

DAMN BODY WASH!

I'M DONE!

"DEJA-VU RANT 12-15-11

I can't belive it's the middle of December and we still have temps in the 50's! It's Great! OK, I'll move on.

I've been thinking about the adage, "The more things change, the more they remain the same" this has proven true many times recently, but one event has brought it home. The recent PEPPER SPRAYING of peacefully protesting students at the University of California-Davis Campus.

This incident, and many similar like it across the country, remind me of my teenage years in the 60's. (Yes, I am that old, no comments please) especially the killing's of students at Kent State (A University in Ohio) by National Guardsman.

This incident has served to remind me that not much has changed. We have still not learned to teach, or evaluate properly some of  the "OATMEAL-BRAINED", "EGO-CENTRIC", "KNUCKLE-DRAGGERS" we give guns or badges to. THESE "EVOLUTIONARY DEAD-ENDERS" give the excellent law enforcement officers a bad name. Their lack of common sense and their inability to assess a situation properly is amazing! Where were they trained at" COP-WANNABEE'S" on line?  Add to that the instructions by the "FIFEDOM'S QUEEN", sorry I mean college chancellor, to remove the students, and you have an impending disaster reminicent of the 60's

What I also find disturbing are the "CAVE-DWELLERS", and TREE-HANGERS" that laughed this off and told the students, and other "OCCUPIERS" to get a job! Do you "VACUUM BRAINS" understand that our students are the future of our country, as those of the 60's were and are? Also, If the "OCCUPIERS"were able to get jobs in their chosen fields, there would be no reason to protest. Maybe if they "OUTSOURCE" your "MOONSHINE" operation and steal money from your bank accounts you'll understand!

Here's another point CHUCKLES. If their rights are violated today, then yours could be tomorrow! Chew that with your tobacco!

What I also find curious, is that during the "MILLION MAN" march and "TEA-BAGGER"  (Opps, I mean Tea Party) protests there were no arrests, but yet they "PEPPER SPRAY" peacefully protesting students, while wearing "RIOT GEAR".  Megyn Kelly on FOX News said that it may have been "MORALLY"  wrong, but she didn't think it was illegal. REALLY!!!

As I said before, the more things change the more they remain the same. Today it's them, tomorrow it may be you...but wait it already is, whose money was used to bail-out corporate america after they caused the largest financial collapse in history? (for which NO ONE went to jail) And, whose jobs have been outsourced for the good of corporate profits and greed? In case you need a reminder YOUR'S!

 Do you really think this is just about students and occupiers? REALLY! While we may not agree with the protestor's views, we should at least respect their right to peacefully protest. After all, it's our right too.

I'M DONE!

"INTO THE BREACH ONCE MORE" RANT FOR 12-14-11

Good Day All,

Once again personal has taken priority over the blog, but hey, here I am.

I once again am going to touch the "HOT STOVE" we call politics. As many of you are, I am not a fan of the lack of promised progress this administration touted. I am not ashamed to admit I voted for Mr. Obama, I am just disappointed. However, where congress is concerned I am just &^%$#@! angry! These polictical versions of "SUCKER FISH" have made the problem a 1000% worse with their constant partisan bickering.

I have recently been looking at the right to see if there was a crumb to grab on to, but wouldn't you know it! These "PARASTICAL BACTERIA" continue to to talk out of their "REARS" and to insult our intelligence. This party that tout's tax breaks and fiscal conservatism, has once again shown that only applies if you are wealthy or part of corporate america. The snake has once again reared it's ugly head with a forked tongue!

After threatening to "SHUT DOWN" the government over the issue of expiring tax cut's for the rich. They have "ABRUPTLY" switched sides where "MIDDLE WORKING AMERICA" is concerned. They won't approve extending tax breaks for working america unless they get what they want, a MASSIVE oil pipeline project. Don't misunderstand me, I am not wholly against the pipeline, I am against holding the people who pay the bills in this country HOSTAGE, so corporate america can make profits. If Obama wants to make points he needs to grow some balls and literally tell these "MEDUSA" like congressmen to STICK IT!

Our government continues to ignore not only our own protests, but protests from around the world! People have had it! Start doing what is right for the country, not the "BOTTOM FEEDING LOBBYIST'S"

I'M DONE!

A "RANT" VARIETY 10-22-11

Thought I went away didn't you? Not a chance :) Seriously, many events over the last couple of months have caused my blog to take a back seat. You know I will never run out of material.

Well today I have decided to do a few mini-rants to try and catch up. So let's begin!

Item #1- Moron's Are Everywhere
How many times have you driven down the highway or street and seen a dog or even a child with their head out the window trying to get air or catch rain? Normal sight isn't it? Well, how many times have you seen the driver of the car with his head out the window, trying to catch rain? If you think it's a normal occurence, GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD, NOW!

While driving down the street last month, I saw a driver with his head out the window, holding out his tongue, trying to catch the rain. Now I don't know, maybe "Rain Catcher" didn't have water at home or, was trying to occupy himself while the car drove itself, either way this human "Stuffed Animal", for our own safety, should not be behind the wheel. Or, maybe he should let the dog drive.

Item #2- Are You Kidding Me??
I have been stewing over this one for awhile. You may have heard of this on the news, but for those that haven't. Let's move to wonderful California and "Cinco De Mayo" yes that great American holiday! Sorry, I get confused sometimes as to what side of the border we are on. let's move on.

A high school in  the state of California in Mexico, (sorry, got confused again) forced American high school students to remove their shirts displaying the American Flag, on "Cinco De Mayo" saying it was "inflammatory", but Mexican students could proudly display the Mexican flag!

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT! When did displaying the American Flag, by American's in the United States of America become "INFLAMMATORY"!!? Where and when we display our flag has been under constant attack! Recently, a retired 9/11 rescue worker was displaying his flag to honor 9/11 and Veterans when he was forced to remove it by his "HOMEOWNER" Association and the courts as not fitting the "IMAGE" of his neighboorhood. When did these "NAZI" wannabe's get the power to dictate when we could fly our flags, and what "JELLO-BRAINED" judge would agree with them? While people from other cultures can display their "HOMELAND'S" flag with impunity, we are constantly being restricted.

We as American's need to send a message, that there are NO INSTANCES where an AMERICAN cannot display the american flag, in the UNITED STATES of AMERICA, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. We are Americans and we reserve the right to remind people that we are just as proud of our country as other's are. And once again, School administrator's "LIBERAL OR CONSERVATIVE" need to stop forcing their views down our children's throats in an attempt to not offend other's!

Item #3- Clown Congress
I don't know why I continue to hope our congress will wake up. Is anyone surprised that the "CLOWN COMMITTEE", (sorry, Super Committee) failed?? Again, our congress has demonstrated that they do not have the best interest of the American people at heart. Once again, they have wasted time and taxpayer money only to fail to reach an agreement, natuarally blaming each other for the "IMPASSE". Blame OBAMA all you want, but no president, REPUBLICAN, DEMOCRAT, FEDERALIST, or WHIG, has been able to accomplish anything without congress. The "greed" of our corporations, the "entitlement mentality" of our population, coupled with the "disconnect" and "lack of understanding" by our government, are all creating a perfect storm of disaster for our country and our future. OUR CURRENT CONGRESS NEEDS TO BE VOTED OUT NOW! It's not going to get any better until we clean house.

Item #4- No Butt's
OK, this is serious, but it still made me laugh. (how insensitve I am). A news story this morning highlighted a shadow industry, that provides "illegal injections" to adult dancers to enhance their "BUTTS". Yes, their "BUTTS". One dancer became seriously ill when the silicone used by an "unlicensed" provider, migrated to her lungs. Sad.

This is the one that made me laugh, a "provider" injected a woman's "BUTT" with a mixture of "CEMENT" and wait for it..."FIX-A-FLAT". Yes, you read correctly, "FIX-A-FLAT" :)  (I am sorry, it still makes me laugh)

What "BRAIN EATING CHEMICALS" are you ingesting, to decide, hey, I can make money by injecting women's "BUTTS" with "CEMENT and FIX-A-FLAT"

Sad "BUTT" True..Sorry, couldn't resist :)

I'M DONE!

"ENOUGH ALREADY" RANT FOR 10-17-11

 Hey, maybe I am becoming hyper-sensitive, but WHAT THE HELL is with all the "PERSONAL HYGIENE" ads on TV!

Does anybody beside me remember when these ultra personal issues were dealt with on late night commercials?

Really, do we want to hear about some adult wearing a "FREAKIN DIAPER" at dinner time or in a restaurant? it makes you look around and wonder, " MAYBE IT'S HER! Not to mention the meal is now ruined. And, how about the new "KY" jelly ads, They use "EXPLOSIVE" references to simulate the results of this product, and now it's in his and her's special flavors !! Are you kidding? I really don't want to know what anybody is "SPREADING ON THEMSELVES" it could be peanut butter for all I care! How would you like to do that laundry?

Another one is the CATHETER ads. Isn't it nice to know how compact they have become? Shouldn't they be advertised with the DAMN DIAPERS?? Let's add the items to handle, dare I say it? GAS! Yes friends I want to hear about BEANO BEFORE BREAKFAST!!!! Have I gotten to any of you yet :)

Let's move on to the "CONSTIPATION" PRODUCTS! After that meal of  three cheese taco's and other assorted "BINDERY FOODS" how do you get regular again! OMG whatever will you do! C'mon you know this answer "METAMUCIL" see that wasn't so hard.

Continuing on, let's discuss "TROJANS"! Yes folks those little jackets that were originally meant for "BIRTH CONTROL" have now become a "FASHION ACCESSORY". Yes believe it, with their "RIBS, MULTI- COLORS" and other advancements they have become the thing to carry. Hey, they even have ones that"GLOW IN THE DARK!..Hell the last time I glowed in the dark I...sorry, I lost myself. Shouldn't this be up with the "KY" jelly?

But my favorite is still the "FEMININE HYGIENE" products. Hell, these things spawn "SUPER WOMAN"! With their wings, compactness, absorbition capacity, and other "FEATURES" I understand why companies want to tout their products!

Hey, I understand the need for the products, but let's face it, we know when and where we need them! I don't want to be inundated with products that remind me of the noises, secretions, and failings of the human body every minute of the day! I still beileve there are appropriate times for these ads

Let's be honest, when I pass a woman on the street, I don't want to be wondering if what she's wearing is a DIAPER OR PAD...That's OVER SATURATION! hhhhmmmm

The question is, the next time you pass someone on the street will you be wondering if...or will it be YOU! :)

                                                   
                                                                         I'M DONE!(Aren't you glad?)

"OUTSOURCING SUGGESTION" RANT FOR 10-06-11

After carefully considering the outsourcing dilemma our country continues to grapple with, I must admit there is at least one "COST SUCKING" industry we could outsource..."OUR COUNTRY CLUB PRISON SYSTEM"!

I've come to this realization after listening to the details of yet another "CONVICTED MINDLESS BUFFOON", filing a lawsuit! (Hmmm..maybe not mindless, what else does he have to do!) This "DEATH ROW COCKAROACH" , who claims to be a muslim, is suing because his meals are not prepared according to muslim law! BOO-HOO! Do I really need to use the language? Did you give your victim a choice?

This is just another in a long list of ridiculous lawsuits filed by the "HUMAN SEWAGE" in our prison system. From the one that sued because he didn't get chocolate chip cookies, to the one that sued because he was too fat to execute. YOU REALLY CAN'T MAKE THIS UP!!! It's amazing what these "COWARDS" will do to save their "PARASITIC LIVES"

I think we should consider outsourcing bids from Asia, Indonesia, and of course North Africa and the Middle East. Since this latest example of "WASTED SPERM" claims to be muslim, let's send him there, where an "EYE FOR AN EYE" is actually a penalty,  for his punishment!


Seriously, let's consider the costs of running our HOTELS, oopps sorry, our PRISONS. Lets start with the basics;

1. Cable TV
2. Weight Room (Yes, a faster, stronger criminal is a great idea!)
3. Special Meals
4. Free Medical Care
5. Free Education
6. Libraries (Now we have a faster, stronger criminal that can file lawsuits!)
7. The ability to sue
8. Cell Phones (Makes sense, you still have to run your empire)
9. Free room and board.
10. And..we pay them when they work! What a deal.

There are many more points I could add. but I guess you get the idea. My suggestion is again, outsourcing.

Imagine a being a criminal convicted of murder, living in a cell with a hundred other murderers, sleeping wherever you could find a spot. The only meals you get are what they decide to give you, and if you don't eat it you starve. The only clothes you have are the ones on your back, and don't even think about cable TV.

Exercise? Only if you run faster than the bigger inmate chasing you. Lawsuits? Only the ones brought by your family when you disappear. Appeals, that's you begging for your life before they hack you, hang you, shoot you, or whatever other diabolical way they can think of to execute you. Most likely the same way you murdered your victim.

Think of all the money we would save! In addition to the ones I mentioned, you no longer have the costs of endless appeals, and the attorney fees associated with them (sorry attorney's we don't need all of you anyway). The room and board savings alone would put most states back in the black!

Our only cost would be the cost of shipping, and I suggest the cattle shipping method..Maybe we could get a FEDEX rate for that!

Really, Why do these examples of a "FAILED CIA EXPERIMENT" have more than just the basic human rights, of a dry place to sleep and basic nutrition? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Judges need to have a "STUPID STAMP" so that when one of these lawsuits crosses their desk, they can stamp it "STUPID" and move on. They should also charge the filing attorney for the court costs of the "STUPID SUIT"!  

You know..that would probably work for many lawsuits in our society..hhhmmm. Hey look, they're waiting for you!

       
                                                              I'M DONE!

"ARE YOU SURPRISED?" RANT FOR 10-05-11

Well people are you surprised with the "WALL STREET" protests??? You shouldn't be, it been a long time coming!

C'mon you don't really buy into the "TRICKLE ON", oopps, I mean "TRICKLE DOWN" theory of economics that "Saint Reagan" started do you?? If you do, then there really is an excess of swampland in Florida for sale. Really, big companies being called "JOB CREATORS" is like saying Bernie Madoff  was a humanitarian.. 

I have asked this question before, name a big company that has created significant jobs in the last decade? Fortune 500 profits are larger than ever, but nothing has "TRICKLED DOWN" to employees but lay-off's!

Let's give a couple of examples of the never ending greed. Recently in an effort to get around the new consumer protection laws that curtailed the ridiculous "FEE" profits that they generated, Bank of America  announced they would charge a $5.00 fee if you used your debit card for credit purchases!! Yes it's true..

Hey you want to hear something even more incredulous? After the announcement was made on the Today Show, a commercial came on enticing consumers to use their debit cards for purchases! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

These conscienceless blood-sucking leeches in suits could care less about consumers. WAKE UP and stop acting like it's all going to be fine! It's not!

Let's give another example. Wal-Mart recently lost a class action suit because they were over charging customers for sausage. It was only $.02 per package, but still. Laugh if you want, but how many customers visit Wal-Mart daily? You do the math!! Don't worry about these cattle herders, they'll make it up by selling you more cheap worthless crap that is maunfactured overseas by child labor.

Here is a company that almost single-handedly has destroyed the small business structure in this country as well as contributing to the major loss of jobs. By brow-beating the larger suppliers, they have forced them to move manufacturing off-shore to compete. All this has done is force cheaper labor, and poor quality goods on to the american market, all the while eliminating jobs!

Let me ask this. When there is no longer a viable job future for our children, and our economy is so bad that were are no better than a 3rd world country, who will they sell goods to then?  Another question. How can multi-millionaires make fair decisions that affect the lives of mainstream america? (I believe we can solve this with term limits.)

REALITY CHECK...NO JOBS MEANS NO MONEY TO BUY GOODS! It is time to hold these "PIGS IN A SUIT" accountable!

I'M DONE

"END THE INSANITY" RANT FOR 9-29-11

WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH????

The level of the absurd we endure on a daily basis continues to escalate, and our children are being affected.I think before allowing someone to be a teacher, they should have to take a common sense test. Let me explain.

A self-righteous teacher in California (maybe that explains it) disciplined a student for saying "GOD BLESS YOU" when a fellow student sneezed! His explanation was, that is was a class disruption and the sentiment was not relative! He even went as far as to deduct 25 points from the student's grade!

What the hell gives this adle-brained supposed educator the right to impose his personal beliefs on the children in his charge?? Can you imagine the confused and hurt feelings that this student had for conveying a good will sentiment to a fellow student!

Here is some advice to this RIDICULOUS excuse for a teacher. CONCENTRATE ON DOING YOUR JOB! Do not try to impose your beliefs, and in this case, undermine the teachings of the parents. We need teachers to open our children's minds not close them. We don't care about your opinions. If you can't teach objectively and impartially, then go clean up dog crap in the park!

It's closed minded whack jobs like you that don't understand how a child feels, that needs to be doing something else. Stop giving good teachers a bad name.

Don't you think that discipling this student for something positive they said borders on censorship?

I'M DONE!

"CHIMPDOM AT IT'S FINEST" RANT FOR 9-28-11

I know..I know..It's been awhile. So much happening so little time :)

Well just as you start to relax you are reminded of the continued depths of "MORONIC" behavior that the "CHIMPS" can display!

These failures of a human gnome experiment have found a new way to amuse themselves while they are in the drunken stupor of "CHIMPDOM". Prepare yourselves for the latest wonderous tale of "URBAN CHIMPS" in the wild!

I awoke a few days ago to the sound of what in my sleepy state, I thought was gunfire, and I was intially alarmed! Had we been transported to the wild west, or worse to Baltimore city? As my head cleared and I began to investigate, keeping my head low of course, I found it was our resident "POOP THROWING CHIMPS", having what they thought was fun by setting off fireworks.

Now normally the fireworks don't bother me because they run out very quickly, but the "JACKASS" twist the "CHIMPS" put on it this time concerned me! Hold on, I am getting there. They were firing them at houses in the area, and anytime they got close to a house they would jump up and down and start laughing and hollering like they were in a shooting gallery! Oh yea, my house was not spared their inebriated aim.

Fortunately these "LIMITED BRAIN CELLED MAMMALS" that even chimps would be ashamed of, didn't do any harm (although there was fireworks debris in my yard). Someone must have called the police, because they ended their "ARTILLERY BARAGE" simulation abruptly!

Seriously, how brain dead stupid do you have to be to put your neighbors at risk of a fire? The debris in my yard was buries about 1 1/2 in in the ground!

These "PEOPLE" are truly wasted sperm.

I'M DONE!

"GPS" Rant for 10-14-11

Good Afternoon All,

What a wild month it has been, severe storms, hurricane's, earthquakes, more storms and rain. We are considering permanently sandbagging our garage and turning it into an indoor swimming pool. But enough of this. Let's move on to today's topic.

Can anyone of an elightened status explain to me who thought that taking a navigation system that was designed for aircraft and satellites, and installing them into ground vehicles was a good idea?

The chaos that has resulted from this obvious money making ploy is evident! You have all experienced the aftermath of the ill-thought of decision, whether you realize it or not.

Have you noticed the mental giant that crosses 4 lanes of traffic  to get off just as you come to an exit? That's the GPS effect! How about the nit-wit that unexpectedly (and without a signal) changes from the right lane to the left lane cutting you off so they can make a last minute left turn? That's the GPS effect! As a case in point, I have only been lost twice in the last few years and both times I was using one of these mechanical marvels. That's the GPS effect!

What the GPS system has done, is taken an already "lobotomized" society and increased it's dependency on a gadget! The normal driver no longer pays attention to where they are enroute. They solely rely on the "talking map" to tell them when to turn. Unfortunately, when you add the radio and cell phone to the equation, these "road zombies" cannot hear their talking automotive baby sitter, and are thus unaware of where to turn. This causes the "russian roulette" crossing traffic situation. The situation becomes more dangerous when the "lobotomized" segment does not update the unit's software!

Really people, don't you think it would just be easier to know where you are going ahead of time? It would help those of us that still have a few brain cells stay out of harms way, and hey, in these tough economic times, could save you a few hundred bucks :)

I'm Done!

"PT BARNUM WAS RIGHT" Rant For 8-16-11

I have come to the conclusion that PT Barnum was right. There is a every SUCKER BORN every minute!

Take the latest example..Dunkin Donuts has a added a drink called "Frozen Hot Chocolate" when I first saw this I chuckled. How did they accomplish this oxymoron? Did they make hot chocolate and put it in the freezer? My amusement turned to astonishment when I actually saw people ordering this menu item born of SMOKE and MIRRORS (including my son, although he caught on extremely quickly).

I must admit to a certain admiration for the marketing people who come up with these shell games. Are they genuises, or are the people who buy into these ploys so gullible we just need to shake our heads? People spoiler alert! IT'S JUST CHOCOLATE MILK, and not very well mixed at that!

I put this one up there with SKY HOOKS, LEFT HANDED MONKEY WRENCHES, and one of my all time favorites, THE PET ROCK. However,the ultimate winner of the whole money for nothing scam is..(let's see how many people this tweaks) are PSL's. Yes my fellow sheep, PERSONAL SEAT LICENSES! this is the ultimate in proving Barnum's theory! In a nutshell your are actually paying for the right to buy season tickets. Talk about double dipping. Some people have said, I paid for it THAT'S MY SEAT! If you want to test that theory, try using that seat at another event besides a football game.

Don't get me wrong, if wasting your money on these things makes you happy, more power to you. I figure though if I want a better seat than my 46"HDTV, I'll just get a bigger TV. It'll cost less than PSL'S.

I'm sorry if I interrupted your workout time..Hey, you can always take one of those pills that promises weight loss with no controlling what you eat, or doing exercise.

Ole' PT would be proud!

I'm Done!

"PARTISAN POLITICAL BS" Rant for 8-10-11

I am obviously like Icharis flying to close to the sun where politics is concerned...I need to stay away, but I am drawn back like a moth to a flame!

So do we have donkey ears or what?  I am soooo tired of my "RIGHT WING" friends blaming things on the left..Tell me, can you name any company that has created jobs since the BUSH, I mean ROVE tax breaks?  I am currently helping to shut down my 6th, YES 6th manufacturing plant in 8 years! And don't get me started on the "TEA BAGGERS" They're like spoiled brats who even when theyget what they want, it's not good enough?

I am also sooo tired of my "LEFT WING" friends blaming things on the right. How in your right mind can you insult the "LEGAL IMMIGRANTS" and the rest of us in this country by trying to restrict the border states from securing their/our borders?? Not to mention trying to give in-state tuition rates to illegals in Maryland! if you want to win a battle get your head out of your ass and stop compromising. Even if the "RIGHTIES" are wrong they at least believe they're own BS and don't back down. It's become painfully obvious that you "mushroom" eating millionaires have no idea what being an american is. Let's look at a couple of points.

1. The debt ceiling- Not only did their partisan bickering damn near cause us to default, but it screwed our credit rating! And the icing! They want to say S&P made the wrong call! ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE?? Our country is broke and can't pay it's bills, and you egomaniacs are in the sand box kicking sand in each others faces! Your indecisiveness was a key in the S&P decision..Unbelievable!
2. FAA funding-Then in a continuation of #1, they refuse to fund the FAA! Stating that they have to take a stand and stop subsidising smaller airports. All well and good jello-brains, but you left safety inspectors and other key personnel without jobs! Do you really want to fly without safety inspectors and mechanics? What a childish moronic stand to take. The first flight without safety inspectors should have been filled with congress.
3. Lower taxes helps our corporations provide jobs..ULTIMATE BS! Lets just mention what lower taxes and regulation has produced. GREED! Let's review, WORLD COM, LEHMAN BROS, ADELPHIA, MORTGAGE BANKS,BERNIE MADOFF, and I could go on and on,  including,  and most recently, the whole AIRLINE INDUSTRY!! Why? Because while our clueless, brainless congressional reps were throwing boogies at each other, and refusing to approve FAA money, they also could not collect taxes from the airlines. What did the airlines do? They raised their fares in the amount of the taxes and pocketed the profits. As soon as the money was approved fares returned to normal. HOW ABOUT THAT GREED! I again I remind, I am helping shut down my 6th manufacturing plant in 8 years, and my job may be included in this one!

Look folks, although I am as disillusioned in our government as the next guy, the only people we can blame for this mess is US. WE GET WHAT WE VOTE FOR! We have become a nation of SHEEPLE to use my friend John's analysis. This clueless lot of millionaires on both sides of the aisle need to go!!!! They have lost touch with the average american, and only serve themselves. SEND A MESSAGE! CLEAR THEM OUT!

I'M DONE!

"MORE CHIMPS" Rant for 8-4-11

Well Good Evening Everyone! I know I haven't been "Ranting".  Did you miss me? I don't think I want to know. :)

I hope you don't think I've been ignoring you, but with work issues and life, I have been a little overwhelmed. That really is unusual for me. But enough, let's move on. I thought since I'm a little rusty, (no comments please!) I would start out with one of my favorite subjects, the inconsiderate CHIMPS that plague us all.

I think we all have the preconceived notion that the "CHIMP" is a knuckle dragging neanderthal that thinks he should be able to do whatever he wants, wherever he wants, no matter who it annoys...

 I recentlylearned however, as John Pinette would say, NAY-NAY. The "CHIMPS" have permeated every segemnt of our society like insidous "BODY SNATCHERS" taking us by surprise when we least expect it. But on with the story!

Like most men I appreciate an attractive woman, and in the summertime even more so, so when I pulled into the Dunkin Donuts to get my usual extra large decaf, (no comments, could you imagine if I consumed large quatities of caffeine?) I was pleasantly surprised by four attractive woman standing by a Mercedes. These were woman of obvious class and substance, not a hair out of place, and no Wal-Mart fashions here. I remember being impressed, but THIS LASTED LESS THAN A MINUTE!

 Why you ask? Because my fellow humanoids, these pretentious offspring of the upper crust, emptied all the trash from the Mercedes, including bottles, on to the parking lot! They then just climbed into the Mercedes and left! Obviously these female "CHIMPS" felt the rest of us were there to clean up after them. The Manager of the 5 Guys restaurant came out of his store to protest, but they had quickly drove off.

This made me angry, not only because of their disregard for the property of others, but also because they had replaced a pleasant memory of four attractive young women on a sunny summer day with a memory of  four female "CHIMPS" THROWING POOP!

The picture is after the 5 Guys Manager started cleaning up!

I'M DONE!

"OH MY! A CONSOLIDATED" Rant for 6-21-11

Ranting is difficult to do when your internet service is down, and near impossible from a cell phone!

Tonights "Rant" is going to be a consolidation of news items and my take on them! But lets start with...

1. Hey Comcast! If you wonder why you are losing marketshare, take a look at the length of time we are without service and the length of time it takes you to correct the problem!
2. Hey Weiner! (I really tried to stay away from this) If your last  name is "Weiner" you think you would avoid acting like one! You would think you would also be "hyper-sensitive" to any perception regarding your "private property"! You may also want to consider you are a freakin troll! No wonder the women complained, do you think they would have complained if the "tweets" were from George Clooney? You just can't trust anyone with a cell phone camera.
3. Hey Paul Ryan! You may want to avoid running a TV AD telling seniors you are protecting them, AFTER you propose slashing Medicaid! You may also want to tell the rest of America that no savings will be realized for 9 years!
4. Hey Michelle Obama! Was it really necessary to take a family entourage on the african trip? I can see the kids and possibly even grandma, but cousins? Are taxpayers footing this bill? hmmm.
5. Hey Mayor of Vidalia GA! I find it laudable that you are standing tall in opposition your conservative brethren against the new tougher immigration law that was passed by your state, but if what you are saying is accurate, and your town's economy depends on the "migrant workers" spending their money there, then it's obviously time to close the town and move on! Oh Yea, ILLEGAL means ILLEGAL!
6. Hey Republican Candidates! Since when does touting how many children, foster children, dogs, cats, llama's, and whatever other creatures inhabit your house, qualify you to be president? You can interpret those revelations in any number of ways..but are you trying to say that the american people are your children? Do we need to be led like "sheeple"? (nod to John Terzi for the term) How insulting! At the end of the day you said nothing! Same words to nowhere with no substance or specifics..If you think we hold you in high regard, read item 1 and 2 for a reality check! You talking pogo-sticks can't even control yourselves. Stop insulting our intelligence!
7. Hey Corporate America! Remember the slick moves you all made to move your money to offshore and overseas banks to avoid our "oppressive" taxes, while taking our jobs with it?  How's that whole european money collapse thing working for you? Now you want to bring the money back, but you want tax concessions! Un-freakin-believable! I'll tell you what, why don't you leave it there and watch it go down the drain with our jobs? Stand on the boat and wave at the Statue of Liberty! Better yet, use all the greedy millions you earned to bail yourselves out pond scum!
8. Here's one for Maryland. Hey Governor Numbnuts, and the Legislative Dwarfs! What prompts you idiots to approve toll hikes for the bridges and tunnels? Have you not realized it yet, that we have no more money? You've sucked us dry! You are making it financially impossible to go to work! Try reducing each legislators expenses! Take away goverment cars and make them pay their own gas, and tolls. How's that for a reality check?
9. Hey John McCain! Are you going senile? How can you blame Arizona wildfires on illegal immigrants? Did they leave a business card? This is one of the most irresponsible comments I've heard in a long time..please retire before you start drooling!

Well, I think I've pretty much covered a few days..The problem is I am now depressed!

I'm Done!

"CRIME WAVE" Rant for 6-13-11

Well, once again I find I am living in a bubble. Who knew we were in the middle of a crime wave!  Oh I don't mean the countless murders, muggings, and robberies that we read and hear about every day. I am talking about the rash of notorious "sugar substitute" thefts that have been plaguing our restaurants.

Yes "sugar substitute" thefts, who would've thought! I came upon this epidemic purely by accident..Of course restaurants would like to keep this quiet, they don't want to cause panic or have their customers feel unsafe.

A couple of weeks ago I was eating lunch and when I ordered coffee I discovered I had to ask for equal, as it was no longer was on the table. I didn't think anything of it until yesterday when my family and I went out to dinner. When I ordered coffee, once again I noticed there was no equal on the table. When I inquired about why there was no Equal, the server looked at me with a serious look and told me that management took it off the tables because people were taking it home!

Oh my!  Where did these notorious "sugar substitute" thieves come from?  Is there a "sugar substitute" cartel? Who knew there was a black market for Equal? Can you be arrested for smuggling Splenda across the Canadian border, or Sweet-N-Low from Mexico? Can the people addicted to this "sweet powder" be helped? Do they steal from family and friends to support their uncontrollable urges, and where does grandma, grandpa, Aunt Bertie and Uncle Bob hide their stash! Think of how embarassing it would be if they were caught! Oh, the shame.

Seriously, how desperate do you need to be to steal sugar and sugar substitute packets from a restaurant. But a more perplexing question is, how much has to be stolen to create a cost issue for a restaurant.

But here's a more disturbing question, how many of those "little packets" are in your car, or purse..hhhmm. Are you one one of them?

I'm Done

"TETHERED" Rant for 6-08-11

I have been assured this evening that cell phones have taken away our ability to show common courtesy, as well as limited our social skills to those of an "orangutan"

Here's a news flash you "genitallia holding" members of our species. I don't want to listen to your cell phone's "kazoo"version of Beethovan's 5th, or Proud Mary while I am in a business workshop! What are you "flea scratching" mammals thinking? TURN IT OFF!

I as well as 20 other people paid "CASH" to attend this workshop because some of us truly believe that improving our skill sets will continue to provide us with one of the sorely needed items in our lives, A JOB! Are the electronic impluses from your "communication" device so ingrained on the ingrams of your brain, that you now respond to it like "Pavlov's Dog", with no regard for your fellow citizens?

Can you no longer respond to a human being in person? Yes, o' hairy one, the person across from you is LIVE, not an avatar. Are you really that important to your friends at the bath house? In the future you may want to spend more time learning the body language of those around you. The looks you were receiving were not encouraging an encore. If you really need the intimate contact of the " Droid" that badly, might I suggest where you can have it implanted?

I'm Done

"Haters" Rant for 6-6-11

I continue to come up with subjects to rant about, but sometimes you just need to show restraint..Unfortunately, if some people's brains were gunpowder, they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose. The problem is the internet has given these earthworms a forum to speak without thinking.

These megaphone mouths attack everyone with no regards for the accuracy of the information, or the feelings of the people they target. There is a recent article that stated "it's an empirical fact: There are people out there that hate you!" It doesn't matter how accommodating you are, it makes no difference, these termites hide in the shadows eating away at anyone they can.

Think about it, before the dot.com explosion people rarely knew their haters up close. They only heard whispers. Need convincing? How many of you have Facebook "friends", or Twitter "followers" that you were never really "friends" with at school, work, or in the neighborhood? How many of these people do you still not speak to personally if you see them on the street?

The availability of a mass audience brings these parasitical maggots out in mass, because the only way they can feel good about their pathetic poop scooping lives is to try and bring someone else down. These are the same lumps of elephant waste that used to (and maybe still do) call your phone at all hours and hang up just to annoy you. They also believe Jerry Springer is a socially conscious tv show.

These mouth breathers have decided to use the one brain cell they have to try and bring the rest of  us down. These people should be living under a bridge, rather than amongst us. The surprising part is that these trolls really think their opinion means something!

Remember, you have to tolerate some annoyances in life, the overcrowded elevator, rude co-workers, and beggars at intersections. Don't continue to tolerate these "social networking" leeches, whose only purpose is to get a rise out of you, and who have no redeeming value at all.

The problem is, when you try to confront these roaches (didn't mean to insult the roaches) they scurry back under their broken down porches to get out of the glare.

So here's an idea, don't waste anymore time on these bottom feeders, just delete their comments and "de-friend, de-tweet and ignore, because they are not worth your time.

I'm Done!

Note: I would like to acknowledge the CNN article by Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, that I referenced and quoted in this rant.

"MORE GREEN STUFF" Rant for 6-01-11

I know everyone remembers my "GREEN" rant, well consider this a "Twighlight Zone" sequel!

The main reason I don't like "green live" growing stuff all around my property is the mindless aimless labor that goes into trying to control it..Oh I know what your saying, but it looks so nice when it cut and cared for.:-P:-P:-P:-P:-P Sand at the beach looks good too, and it doesn't grow like some Franken-Plant!

There are other reasons I don't like this living breathing stuff all around me. Are all those blades of grass individuals? Can they communicate? Do they watch us? (That would be embarrassing for most of us in our younger years, considering where young lovers congregate..I'm just sayin'.), but one of they most freakish things are the "alien" growths that just seem to mysteriously appear. Oh, I am not talking about the occasional mushrooms that appear from too much moisture, or the milkweeds that drive you crazy with roots like tentacles. I am talking about the truly freaky things that you can't identify, that seem to sprout overnight! Where do they come from? Are they truly aliens? Has the grass called in monstrous relatives to help fight the lawn mower, and what effect does all that weed killer and fertilizer really have? We need to know?

I bring all this up because I have been given one more reason to be skeptical of the "blissful" effects of the lawn. This morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed something odd in the center plot of our lawn. Now this plot is normally the home of purple fountain grass in the summertime, because lets face it, this stuff can be planted in about 5 minutes and grows exponentially until August. No fuss no muss, but as usual I am getting off point.

As I said, I noticed something odd. It looked like someone stuck an odd colored stick in our center plot, so I went to investigate. What I found was a "franken-alien" freak of nature. This thing was sticking straight up and looked obscene! It was pink with a dark head..What the hell is it? When you look at the picture below I'll wager you have the same reaction I did, and your going laugh.

You thought I was exaggerating didn't you? My way out theory of the lawn watching us is not so far-fetched now is it? I only have two requests, get this obscene pink thing out of my yard and watch what you do in the grass..It may be watching! :)

I'm Done!

"TAILGATING" Rant 5-31-11

Happy Memorial Day to all vet's and our prayers are with all we have lost.

On to the business at hand! has tailgating become an obsessive art form? I began to observe this childish phenomena last week when I had a plumbing truck damn near sitting in the bed of my truck at 65 MPH. Oh yea, did I mention he was TEXTING??? I coudn't even see the front grill of his truck! I guess one of his in-bred cousins sitting on the porch, told him as long as he could connect two pipes like a kid kinects set, he didn't need brains!

Since I didn't leave the house most of the weekend, I didn't observe much more until today when I decided to go wash my truck. It was a great day to get my truck washed as the car wash was almost empty..almost. I was pulling into the wash bay when a one-celled creature that was obviously spawned on a mud-flat, pulled in right behind me, again right on my bumper! The only thing I could surmise was that with the heat today, this creature was trying his best to return to his roots. He must have needed moisture and this was the closest thing to a mud-flat.. I know they are not trying to read anything, because I hate bumper stickers and refuse to put them on my truck!

I did get out of the truck and walk around the back to look. All I can think is that my truck has one irresistably sexy rear end! I never realized I had such a hot truck! Who knew I was the proud owner of such a vehicle! Are you jealous? Since I am now enlightened about the attraction of my vehicle, here are the ground rules..

If you want to meet my truck, ASK!  Please don't sniff like a dog in heat, it's dangerous!

I'm Done!

"MOOD" Rant 5-25-11

What a last few days..I am begining to think my wife is right when she calls me borderline "bi-polar". Every little thing is driving me crazy! Although I think there is a little "black cloud" dynamic working here also.

I think it started last Sunday morning, when I stopped for coffee at the local "Dunkin" and waited 15 minutes in the drive through lane, (it may have been more) because they were waiting on eggs, and the first person in line ordered 5 sandwiches! Shouldn't there be some type of ordering guidelines in a drive through? Then when they gave me my coffee it was cold, causing me to have to park and go in. I really have no patience for waiting in line. I won't even elaborate on further events of the last few days, only to say I hope the "black cloud" dynamic ended last night when I was notified that a present I ordered two weeks ago, was no longer in stock! :-(

I guess the bottom line is, I am tired of catering to, and making allowances for, insentive mud-dwellers who think of no one but themselves. The unfortunate part is that once you stop making those allowances, you start to become the very thing you dislike..How's that for a conundrum! I stopped ranting every day because I could find something to rant about everyday (make sense?). At that point you wonder if there are really that many issues, or if the problem is your own intolerance..valid question I think.

I find myself being annoyed when people text while I am talking to them, use handheld phones while driving, and just generally treat others as though they were of secondary importance. Store clerks treat us as though they are doing us a favor when the wait on us, restaurants give us substandard food, and doctors rush us through appointments like cattle, after making us wait for hours! Add to that the employers that give us minimal pay raises (not all employers), cut our benefits and bemoan that fact that they can't compete, all the while banking 7 figure incomes.

We have become a rude, confrontational society, with little tolerance of others. Lewis Black calls us a "whack-a-mole" society, that when you whack one bottom feeder on the head, three more pop up to take their place. The question is; is it the cause or effect?

Wow, where did all this self-introspection philosophy come from?? It's creepy! Sometimes I like being a pain in the a%#, but lately, I seem to be arguing, just to be arguing. Oh Well. I think  I like the perspective Tim Wilson has in his video " But, I Could Be Wrong" It's a little out of date, but still applicable :) I am attaching it. Be warned the language is coarse!

Maybe I'll just take a couple of "happy pills" and it will all be fine in the morning, or will I even notice?

I'm Done.

"PEDESTRIAN" Rant 5-21-2011

Well, back to the "normal" rants :-) Ranting about politics is like kissing your sister! (apologies to my sisters)

Hey, have you ever noticed how drivers become confrontational pedestrians when they park? Yes, the same flat heads that show other drivers and pedestrians countless discourteousies when they drive their "anatomical extensions", become confrontational "knuckle dragging" pedestrians when the park.

You know which ones I mean. The "shrunken heads" that walk through the parking spaces when you are trying to park, and the ones that walk behind you, like you're clairvoyant when you're pulling out. Add to that the "invincible rodents" that scurry across a busy four-lane, or jaywalk against a red light, all the time giving you a sarcastic defiant look that says, "so, what are you going to do about it?"

I have discovered that I've possibly reached a time in my life that I carry enough insurance, and possibly have the financial means, to change the look on their faces as my truck's bumper split's their butt cheeks as I toss them through an imaginary set of goal posts. What a visual!

Imagine the look on their face as you chase them through traffic like they were a contestant in "Death Race 2000" (look it up). Cherish the moment as you fantasize about chasing one of these lazy examples of a slug across the street as they jaywalk in front of you, causing them to slide headfirst to the curb. Will they be safe or out?

You know what is really alarming?? I am actually smiling as I think of this stuff!..Hmmm..Maybe you better be careful when you cross the street, or be extremely fast!

I'm Done..or am I?

"NO COMPASS GOVERNMENT" Rant For 5-17-11

I have figured out the difference between the extreme right and the extreme left. It's the direction their heads lean from the weight of their half-brains!

Do you really believe the spin these talking "garbage cans" are spewing? Consider these points!
1. Tax Breaks For The Wealthy, have been touted to stimulate the economy since the Regan years. In reality we've never seen it create jobs, and at this time we continue to lose jobs overseas. So it's BS! The only trickle down effect we in the middle receive is a trickle on our heads!
2. Subsidies For Big Oil, continue to perplex me. How can you justify subsidies to companies that will rack up 200 Billion in profits in 2011? But yet the scare tactics of higher oil prices are being used. Have you noticed that gas prices go up on the mere mention of higher oil prices, but they don't come down when lower prices are projected? Think about it.
3. Social Security was a completely solvent program before these sticky fingered jackals decided to raid it. By the way it is not an "entitlement" program as some would have you believe. We working people pay into it. If all the politician's had to use the same benefit package we do, thing would change.
4. Healthcare Reform was a completely reasonable topic of discussion before the "toxic" spin was put to it. Let me ask, do you really believe that when an insurance company denies a claim for life saving treatment because it's too costly, that it's not a form of a "death panel"? How about prescription drugs? Do you really buy that Canada's less expensive drugs are lower quality than ours? they are the same drugs, ours are expensive because we don't have the cost controls that other countries have. It's all about profit!

Let's move to the state side. It takes a special group of "hemp smokers" to push some of the ridiculous measures in our "fee" state. let's just mention a couple.
1. In State Tuition For "Illegal" Immigrants. Yes "illegals", not the softer term "undocumented immigrant". I was asked this past week by one of my employees, who is a Jamaican National and just a few weeks from his final citizenship test, after 5 YEARS! He wanted to know why it took him so long to get the benefits of this country when people just walking across the border are getting them? How embarrassing to be asked this question.
2. More Proposals To Raise The Gas Tax and Tolls! I don't know how many remember the last gas price crunch, but the state raised tolls then, because they lost revenue when we reduced our driving. But here is the point! The transportation revenue for our state, is similar to the social security account. The account had enough cash, and revenue sources to carry itself through lean times, but as always politicians can't keep their hands out of the cookie jar. We are now being asked to pay more so these fiscally irresponsible stooges can double-dip.

If we continue to let these irresponsible, sticky-fingered abusers of the public trust serve their own interests instead of ours, we deserve what we get. Please educate yourselves before the next elections, local or national. Vote from a position of knowledge, not just because you like someone!

I hate Ranting about politics!

I'm Done!

"CHIMPS IN A SUIT" Rant For 5-16-11

Has it really been 6 days since my last rant? Did you miss me? I guess I really don't need an answer to that!

You know, it disappoints me to rant on the same problem only with a new variation. I continue to be reminded that a whole new generation of non-caring "Chimps" is being raised in our neighboorhood, evidently by poop-throwing "Chimp" parents.

On Sunday morning I awoke to what was a beautiful morning, only to have the scene and mood destroyed when I looked out the window. There I saw the light pole which illuminates our intersection toppled across my neighbors lawn with the globe and broken glass strewn in the street. At first I thought that someone had turned the corner and lost control of their vehicle, (possibly a previous generation of "Chimps" driving too fast through the neighboorhood) but upon closer examination there were no skid marks on the street, or tire tracks in the grass leading to the pole, nor were there any significant dents in the pole itself.

Conclusion; It must have been the group of "Chimps" in training that were clustered outside like a rogue band last night. Obviously, it is mating season for the young "chimps", who must have been trying to show their  virility and dominance to the females of the band.

At some point they must have tried to show their tree swinging agility by substituting the pole in place of a tree, bringing it down in the process. I guess it continues to validate the adage that "you can put a suit on a chimp, but it's still a chimp"

Hey, it could have been worse, I could have had to clean poop from my car windows..hhhmm, maybe everyone should keep their windows closed when driving through our neighborhood!

In all seriousness, we should all know where our cildren are what they are doing!

I'm Done!

"REVENGE OF THE TREE" Rant for 5-10-11

Have you ever been stalked by a Christmas tree??  No, I am not smoking anything!

You may remember a "Rant" from February when I talked about the "Plight of the Christmas Tree". Well, I put the tree out for collection and I never saw it again, and that should have been the end of it..Oh No!

Imagine my surpise when I came home one day last week, and saw what I thought was a downed tree just off my property on the right side of my house. I was perplexed because fortunately all my trees were still standing. Imagine my STARK TERROR when I got closer and saw it was a "Christmas Tree"! Could this be...no it couldn't, not the neighborhood roaming "Christmas Tree"! Though it's greenery was now brown, it certainly resembles the roaming tree. Even a friend and neighbor who was walking by commented, "is that the tree?"

Where did the Franken-Tree come from,  and what wood chipping machine had it escaped from? And why come back here? What does it want? Will it harm the family? All sorts of horrible scenarios are going through my head! Maybe it knows that disposal means a future in the mulch pile, and is having none of it!

So here it sits, quietly staring at my house, plotting it's next move, like a spirit returned. For now we wait patiently as it is not on my property, but just a few more feet...and can you say BONFIRE!


Ok, maybe I need to be smoking something..It's just a dead tree..or is it ?

I'm Done :)

"MORE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS WHINING" Rant for 5-8-11

Hey all, Just a note to any Mom's reading this. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

OK, So I guess between driving and overblown politcal correctness, you can pretty much see what "frosts my cookies" the most.

I truly believe that if any group in this country has been wronged, it is the native americans, talk about stealing and plundering! I still can't figure out how you claim a country that you "discover" when there are indigenous people living there.

With that said, I think they should be embarrased by a leadership request that the goverment apologize to them for naming the operation related to Bin-Laden "Geronimo". They are offended that their legendary leader has been associated with a terrorist. Here is my opinion "GET OVER IT" In truth "Geronimo's" true name was "Goyaale" from the Chiricahua language meaning "One Who Yawns". Would they be more offended if we called him a "Sleepy Indian"? The name "Geronimo" was given to him by the Mexican's during a battle.

I think we need to be reminded that Goyaale was a warrior, responsible for the deaths of many Mexican's and American's in arguably defense of Apache lands. Thus ends the partial history lesson.

When did every indivdual and group in this country become such an annoying bunch of whiners? If we feel slighted in the least, we yell, stomp our feet and demand apologies or more. Oh Yea, and PLEEEASSSE don't say anything to our entitled children!

ATTENTION PEOPLE! If we don't get overt this ridiculous me..me..me fascination and start working together as Americans, there will be a lot more to worry about than if somone "offended" you.

Again, do we just not get it? We are going in the wrong direction! Don't think so, just look around you!

I'm Done

"WTH" Rant for 5-6-11

Let me ask! What do you do to offend the driving gods so egregiously, that you almost get in an accident with ..you are not going to believe this, A CROP DUSTER!

Stop laughing, this is serious stuff! (well, only if I had been hit) You know, as much as I complain about the beltway, this one really scared the heck out of me! ( You know this comment was edited :)

Let me set the scene, (again, stop laughing) I know, you can't make this stuff up. Anyway, I am crusin' back from Federalsburg, MD and it's a gorgeous day! So I am on 331 between Preston and Easton munching on a quarter pounder, when I see a yellow small plane making a dive towards the ground about a half-mile ahead. I know the direction he is heading and I am thinking "there's no airport there and he is coming down quick" I am convinced he is going to crash when he disappears over the tree line.

I began waiting for the crash but heard or saw nothing. I began looking to the right for some sign of where he went, when I came around a slight curve..and there he was at almost ground level spraying a field and heading toward the road..

I just remember thinking "you've got to be kidding, killed by a crop dusting plane! What are the $&%?$&! odds?" when the plane pulls up just before the road. I had already slammed the brake and the truck was heading sideways. Now I'm worried about getting hit by oncoming traffic, but fortunately I was not going very fast (thanks to the quarter pounder) and there was no oncoming traffic! (my wife will be glad to hear that)

I finally get the truck straightened out and the plane was gone. The car behind me has backed off to ridiculously safe distance and the world appeared to have returned to normal, except for my heartbeat, which by now is looking for serious relief. I know you will all be pleased to know that I didn't drop the quarter pounder or, even lose a piece of lettuce.

After my heartbeat returned to normal and I settled down, I began thinking, what the hell! The plane WAS SPRAYING! Now I am worried about being poisoned. I hope I don't wake up with another head. I have a hard enough time keeping this one straight!

I Was ALMOST Done

"GAS PRICES GIVE ME GAS" Rant for 5-03-11

Ok, is anybody besides me getting ready to go ape crap over gas prices?? This morning when I filled up my 15 Gal at 15MPG truck, my heart skipped a beat. I wonder what happens to the people who now can't even afford to drive to work.

Here is my problem, ok not my only one, but let's start here. Has anyone else seen the profit reports for part of the oil industry for the quarter? 47 BILLION DOLLARS! Yes my fleeced sheep friends, 47 BILLION! So can one of the "extreme right wing loons" (this statement doesn't speak to the whole conserative right) explain to me why we still give oil subsidies to these leeches?

I love how there is all this spouting about cutting smaller social programs, (Planned Parenthood and Headstart are killing us ;-p )but we refuse to look at the big ticket items. (earlier rant) OK right, as a sign of good faith lets cut oil subsidies and rein in corporate greed, and left, lets quit trying to care of everyone's problems.That should save a few bucks.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of paying for oil that hasn't even been removed from the ground yet. If the price went down you wouldn't see a reduction this quickly. Then there is the argument of "research". To that I answer how stupid do you think we are? If you can't manage your business on 47 BILLION in profit for a quarter, (do the math, that's almost 200 BILLION a year!) PLUS THE GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES, you need to be out of business.

Don't misunderstand I am not against profits. If my company didn't make profits I'd be holding a "will work for food sign" but enough is enough!

I really need to stay away from political stuff, it raises my blood pressure.

Im Done!

"GRASS" Rant 5-1-11

Ok..So what's the big deal about grass?? Allright let me clarify so your minds don't wander. I mean the lawn grass!

Somewhere in our young lives we were taught to believe grass was good, that many acres would calm us, and that running through it was a mystical experience..BULL!

This green crap just keeps growing, it's worse than getting a haircut! You have to water it, weed it, fertilize it, and what ever else it takes to nurture it. FOR WHAT? Say it with me..Just so you can CUT IT!

Ok, I am probabaly different than most of you, I grew up in South Philly, where if you wanted grass you painted the sidewalk green. Hell, we had neighbors that when they started getting weeds in their miniscule yard, they panicked and covered the whole thing in concrete.

People ask, but where did you play football and other sports? Answer, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! We played tackle football in the street, the whole time dodging cars and using them as blockers. Any body can play football on (wimpy) grass. A kid's character really gets built when he gashes a knee on a car bumper, and then gets gravel and tar in it from a street tackle! Walk it off!

Hey, we spent so little time around grass, that the first time we took my daughter to the park and attempted to put her down in the grass, she screamed! She was terrified of the green protruding stuff, and hell, it harbored bugs! I think she was almost 3 before she would walk in it barefoot.

Maybe this is an issue for me because I view mowing like doing dishes, laundry, and some other tasks that suck down enormous amounts of time, only to have to be done again next week.

Or maybe it's just that I have no place to draw a deadbox. (google that one!)

I'm Done!

visit http://mikesopenbox.com/ I know shameless commercialism :)

"SKINNY JEAN" Rant 4-29-11

I think if I see one more inappropriate body in "skinny jeans" my eyes are going to explode! Truly, do some of these people not know waht they look like?? Imagine too much sausage stuffed in a casing..with meat hanging over the top UGH. How do you stuff all that butt in a 3" space between the waist band and the pocket bottom? Don't these unaware zombies have someone to guide them?

I think if these clueless fashionista wannabees want to buy these ridiculously tailored products they need to go through a pre-determined qualification process in the store. For Example;

1. Just the description "skinny" should be the first step. If you are not, then walk away.
2. If you make it through step one, there should be a height and width scale on a wall, similar to what kids go through to qualify for carnival rides. If you don't fit, then don't buy!
3. There should be a store employee by the dressing room door with the authority to act when the customer leaves the dressing room. They should be able to say "sorry honey, we in good conscience cannot sell you those".
4. There should be a full length wrap around mirror to give them a full view of what the rest of us see. (That should be an eye opener!)

These are the steps that should be taken at the store! If they do make it through the store gauntlet, then it is up to us, the family and friends of these unfortunate souls to not unleash them on the public. Parents, I know you don't want to hurt your childs feelings, but give them some tough love, laugh at them!

Friends, it is up to you to beat them with a stick before they get out the door! t's your obligation to the rest of us!

Or is there an ulterior motive, as with all competing factions? If the person with you looks silly, then do you look that much better? Oh please say it isn't so!

How many of you are hanging your head in shame :)

I'm Sooo Done :)

"DUMB CRIMINAL" Rant 4-26-11

In another prime example of how truth is stranger than fiction. Another shining example of how "dumb" some criminals can be has surfaced!

I don't know if this is a rant or a head shaker, so I'll let you decide.

In 2004 a man was shot to death in Southern California. There's an enlightening piece of information huh? Who would've thought! The killer was just recently sentenced to 65 years to life. (He should fry)

The amusing thing is how he was caught. A police officer was looking through mug shots for suspects of an unrelated crime when he saw a picture of a crime scene he recognized..Where did he see the picture you may ask! Tattooed on the chest of a gangbanger!

Yes, this shining example of the citizenry was sooo dumb he tatooed a picture of the whole crime scene and the events in detail from his neck to his chest! I would need to ask at what point would you think this was a good idea? If you have a criminal history, the odds are you are going to have your picture taken along with any identifiable tattos at some point.

What more credible witness would you need than this! He obviously described the scene and events to the tattoo artist. What a cantelope brain!

We hear so much about smart criminals but I don't think that's true. I think these models for a blow up doll are more lucky than smart.  As Bugs Bunny said, "What a maroon"

I'm Done! :)

"MORE CUSTOMER SERVICE" Rant for 4-25-11

Good Evening All, I hope your Easter was great!

Tonights rant will cover the entitled world of customer service. After more than..uhhh, lets just say a lot of years of customer service and satisfaction being part of my job, I am begining to think I've taken the wrong approach. You see, I always thought the goal was to keep the customer happy. It appears I am delusional!

Maybe you have all been aware of this and just not told me..(How rude of you :-) I know we have all experienced the fast food, or retail teenage employee who is just starting out and thinks they should be president of the company. We all know that reality train is coming, but this is different..

This previous Saturday I thought I would take my truck in for an oil change and to have my tires rotated and balanced, after all my truck gets the gas mileage of an 18 wheeler and every little bit helps, but that's a whole other rant.

I brought the truck to Pep Boys who I've dealt with for many years, and who have always given me decent service...but alas, the storm clouds were coming and I should have noticed this on my previous visit when I saw new faces and they weren't quite organized.

Whatever changes had been made months ago, finally germinated into a finally tuned Keystone Kop operation (I am not explaining the keystone kops). Relax, I am getting there. As I said I took the truck in on Saturday at 8AM. Usually this is a good time because I am out by no later than 9:30, but not today!

I should've know something was up when I detected a vacant stare in the counter-man. There were a line of customers at the counter and many of them appeared to have the same appointment, as you know this is not a good sign. When I finally got to the counter and explained what I wanted the counter-man looked at me like I was insane and told me he couldn't get me in until noon..I should have just cut my losses and called it a day, but not me, I need to get hit with a stick, so I agreed to come back. WHAT A MISTAKE!

What followed was a display of non-existant organizational and communication skills that would have amused cro-magnon man. I returned at noon, upon which the counter-man I had talked to earlier took my keys and told me he would get me right in..Oh nay, this was not to be!

Upon giving up my keys I noticed that there was only one other customer in the waiting area, and this made me feel confident..another mistake. I had some work to do so I sat down and started working..

Fast forward to 1:30 PM and I hear a customer complaining that their car is not done, which brings me back to reality. I notice the time and decide to check on my trucks progress. OH BOY!

I walk to the counter and glance outside, I see my truck parked there and I assume it's done! I'll bet you know how assume translates, and it applies in this case!! I asked the counter-man if my truck is done and with a straight face he tells me THEY HAVE NOT EVEN BROUGHT IT IN YET! My eyes went wide and I thought my head was going to explode.

I proceeded to ask how he could've told me 12PM, and when I came back that he would get me right in and my truck still be sitting there at 1:30PM?? He told me that he had to leave and they put someone in ahead of me. I asked if they had me on the schedule for noon, and when he took my keys why he didn't "take me right in" He had no answer. He assured me that I would be next..

Well, my frame of mind was not conducive to being "next", and at this point my "donkey ears" would not fit under my hat! So I not politely (in many ways) asked for my keys and left!

At what point did companies stop teaching the basic skill sets of their business? You cannot tell me that companies are retaining their long term customers by hiring less expensive and brain-dead employees as customer service reps. Do these HR idiots not realize that these people are the face of your company?? I would be embarrased. I guess we'll see Pep Boys for sale before long because when I explained this to my brother in Philly, he recounted a similar experience.

Well time to find another service company. Hopefully the next one will know how to use a schedule as opposed to chiseling on a rock!

I'm Done