"SKINNY JEAN" Rant 4-29-11

I think if I see one more inappropriate body in "skinny jeans" my eyes are going to explode! Truly, do some of these people not know waht they look like?? Imagine too much sausage stuffed in a casing..with meat hanging over the top UGH. How do you stuff all that butt in a 3" space between the waist band and the pocket bottom? Don't these unaware zombies have someone to guide them?

I think if these clueless fashionista wannabees want to buy these ridiculously tailored products they need to go through a pre-determined qualification process in the store. For Example;

1. Just the description "skinny" should be the first step. If you are not, then walk away.
2. If you make it through step one, there should be a height and width scale on a wall, similar to what kids go through to qualify for carnival rides. If you don't fit, then don't buy!
3. There should be a store employee by the dressing room door with the authority to act when the customer leaves the dressing room. They should be able to say "sorry honey, we in good conscience cannot sell you those".
4. There should be a full length wrap around mirror to give them a full view of what the rest of us see. (That should be an eye opener!)

These are the steps that should be taken at the store! If they do make it through the store gauntlet, then it is up to us, the family and friends of these unfortunate souls to not unleash them on the public. Parents, I know you don't want to hurt your childs feelings, but give them some tough love, laugh at them!

Friends, it is up to you to beat them with a stick before they get out the door! t's your obligation to the rest of us!

Or is there an ulterior motive, as with all competing factions? If the person with you looks silly, then do you look that much better? Oh please say it isn't so!

How many of you are hanging your head in shame :)

I'm Sooo Done :)

"DUMB CRIMINAL" Rant 4-26-11

In another prime example of how truth is stranger than fiction. Another shining example of how "dumb" some criminals can be has surfaced!

I don't know if this is a rant or a head shaker, so I'll let you decide.

In 2004 a man was shot to death in Southern California. There's an enlightening piece of information huh? Who would've thought! The killer was just recently sentenced to 65 years to life. (He should fry)

The amusing thing is how he was caught. A police officer was looking through mug shots for suspects of an unrelated crime when he saw a picture of a crime scene he recognized..Where did he see the picture you may ask! Tattooed on the chest of a gangbanger!

Yes, this shining example of the citizenry was sooo dumb he tatooed a picture of the whole crime scene and the events in detail from his neck to his chest! I would need to ask at what point would you think this was a good idea? If you have a criminal history, the odds are you are going to have your picture taken along with any identifiable tattos at some point.

What more credible witness would you need than this! He obviously described the scene and events to the tattoo artist. What a cantelope brain!

We hear so much about smart criminals but I don't think that's true. I think these models for a blow up doll are more lucky than smart.  As Bugs Bunny said, "What a maroon"

I'm Done! :)

"MORE CUSTOMER SERVICE" Rant for 4-25-11

Good Evening All, I hope your Easter was great!

Tonights rant will cover the entitled world of customer service. After more than..uhhh, lets just say a lot of years of customer service and satisfaction being part of my job, I am begining to think I've taken the wrong approach. You see, I always thought the goal was to keep the customer happy. It appears I am delusional!

Maybe you have all been aware of this and just not told me..(How rude of you :-) I know we have all experienced the fast food, or retail teenage employee who is just starting out and thinks they should be president of the company. We all know that reality train is coming, but this is different..

This previous Saturday I thought I would take my truck in for an oil change and to have my tires rotated and balanced, after all my truck gets the gas mileage of an 18 wheeler and every little bit helps, but that's a whole other rant.

I brought the truck to Pep Boys who I've dealt with for many years, and who have always given me decent service...but alas, the storm clouds were coming and I should have noticed this on my previous visit when I saw new faces and they weren't quite organized.

Whatever changes had been made months ago, finally germinated into a finally tuned Keystone Kop operation (I am not explaining the keystone kops). Relax, I am getting there. As I said I took the truck in on Saturday at 8AM. Usually this is a good time because I am out by no later than 9:30, but not today!

I should've know something was up when I detected a vacant stare in the counter-man. There were a line of customers at the counter and many of them appeared to have the same appointment, as you know this is not a good sign. When I finally got to the counter and explained what I wanted the counter-man looked at me like I was insane and told me he couldn't get me in until noon..I should have just cut my losses and called it a day, but not me, I need to get hit with a stick, so I agreed to come back. WHAT A MISTAKE!

What followed was a display of non-existant organizational and communication skills that would have amused cro-magnon man. I returned at noon, upon which the counter-man I had talked to earlier took my keys and told me he would get me right in..Oh nay, this was not to be!

Upon giving up my keys I noticed that there was only one other customer in the waiting area, and this made me feel confident..another mistake. I had some work to do so I sat down and started working..

Fast forward to 1:30 PM and I hear a customer complaining that their car is not done, which brings me back to reality. I notice the time and decide to check on my trucks progress. OH BOY!

I walk to the counter and glance outside, I see my truck parked there and I assume it's done! I'll bet you know how assume translates, and it applies in this case!! I asked the counter-man if my truck is done and with a straight face he tells me THEY HAVE NOT EVEN BROUGHT IT IN YET! My eyes went wide and I thought my head was going to explode.

I proceeded to ask how he could've told me 12PM, and when I came back that he would get me right in and my truck still be sitting there at 1:30PM?? He told me that he had to leave and they put someone in ahead of me. I asked if they had me on the schedule for noon, and when he took my keys why he didn't "take me right in" He had no answer. He assured me that I would be next..

Well, my frame of mind was not conducive to being "next", and at this point my "donkey ears" would not fit under my hat! So I not politely (in many ways) asked for my keys and left!

At what point did companies stop teaching the basic skill sets of their business? You cannot tell me that companies are retaining their long term customers by hiring less expensive and brain-dead employees as customer service reps. Do these HR idiots not realize that these people are the face of your company?? I would be embarrased. I guess we'll see Pep Boys for sale before long because when I explained this to my brother in Philly, he recounted a similar experience.

Well time to find another service company. Hopefully the next one will know how to use a schedule as opposed to chiseling on a rock!

I'm Done

"HANG UP" Rant 4-21-11

Hi All, Sorry I haven't ranted in a few days. I have had a bout with bronchitis and didn't have the energy.

Anyway, it seems we have attracted a "hang up" stalker! I'm sure you've all had experience with these mental midgets. Ours however seems extreme. This mouth-breathing offspring of pond scum finds it amusing to continuosly dial upwards of 20+ times a day!

Apparently my daughter has been experiencing the same problem for a long time. I am assuming this is the same bottom feeder that is calling us. We also have an idea of who this product of toxic waste is.

What is more surprising is the lack of legal measures you can take to stop it. If these missing links of society block their number, there is virtually nothing you can do to stop them! If you call the police they want a phone number before they can investigate. On the other hand, the phone company won't divulge a phone number without a warrant! How F@#%$ ridiculous is this scenario.

Hey just a warning soup for brains..We continue to explore the options. It's just a matter of time ;P

I'm Done..for now!

"POLITICAL CORRECTNESS RUN AMOK" Rant 4-12-11

I know I've written about "Political Correctness" before, but we continue to set a new bar for ludicrous and ridiculous ideas and policies.

Today's rant will cover two items that have to do with school systems, and head-shaking ideas they propose. Keep in mind that I believe a strong educational system is necessary for our children to compete in a global economy, but something always slips through the cracks.

#1- As many know I am not necessarily a spirtual man, but I do respect another person's beliefs. We have many holiday's that are recognized in our school systems, Kwanza, Passover, Christmas etc; So imagine my surprise and amusement when I heard the following.

A school system in the State of Washington, has decided it is no longer politically correct to refer to "Easter Eggs" as Easter Eggs!!! In this school system they are now called "Spring Spheres". Yes all you dwellers of the land of the free and home of the loon, we no longer have "easter egg" hunts, we have "spring sphere" hunts! Does the prime example of woodpecker food who proposed this really think kids are going to buy into this? (and aren't eggs more oblong?)

Where did this idea come from? Was the proponent of this ridiculous proposal bullied by a rabbitt as a child, or was their mom scared by a chicken when they were in the womb? Maybe it was something more sinister, the possibility that someone locked them in a giant egg comes to mind. ("no more farfetched than spring spheres")

 Really, is this a joke? How big of a narcissistic power hungry grump do you have to be to ban the term "Easter Egg",  I'll bet that you are dominated at home. What is laughable as well as puzzling is that people actually consider this garbage!

It takes a real example of rotting (from the inside out) human flesh to attack easter eggs and an activity that give so many children pleasure.
                               

 #2- A school in Chicago has banned homemade lunches for their students, stating that they know what constitutes a "nutritional" meal. The students must eat the school lunches or nothing at all!

Why you pompous examples of adult bullies! How dare you even pretend to know what's better for a child than their parent. Your job is to educate our children, not dictate what "you" self righteous pieces of floor gum think is best for our children. If a parent wishes to send their childs favorite lunch with them it's none of your concern! How freaking arrogant!

I have an idea, why don't you spend the time improving your teaching skills rather than trying to run your own little kingdom. Wouldn't that be more beneficial? If you have a concern about a child's health discuss it with their parents.

You deserve to give yourselves a "wedgie" over this one.

I am adding a little postscript to this because everyday I can find something to rant about, and it doesn't even take an effort. It seems that there is always someone attacking the very items that make up the positive fabric of our country. Eventhough I don't want religion shoved down my throat, I am concerned at the rate spiritual references are being removed from our secular institiutions, while on the other side of the coin our government is trying to legislate how we think and live! As I've said before, like it or not this country was built on judeo-christian values and the premise of religious and secular freedoms. People "who think they know better" need to stop force feeding us their version of what our lives should be! We will choose what is right for us, spirtually and secularly. With this said, we need to remember that references to God have been part of our society from the begining. Stop messing with the symnols of our society that reference God, stop messing with the pledge of allegiance and any other symbol of our sovereignty. I don't care if you want to see "In God We Trust" on our money (don't accept or spend it) or, if you don't want your child to say the pledge of allegiance (have them sit down). Each citizen has the responsibility to support our country and it's values for the freedom you enjoy. If you don't want to show support, you have two choices, be quiet and don't participate, or GET THE HELL OUT!
                               

I'm Done!

"FAREWELL TO A FRIEND" Rant For 4-11-11

As this is the year that the Solo Cup-Owings Mills plant closes, I thought I would take the opportunity to say farewell to a companion and friend.

As my co-worker and I sit here we are wondering what will happen to our entertaining "gopher" :). The gopher has resided in the rock-strewn hillside outside of our offices for at least the last six years.

The gopher has provided many hours of entertainment as he thwarted many extermination and capture attempts by pest control, and lawn care professionals.

In the true tradition of "caddy shack" we have watched as he has humiliated everone who has attempted to bring about his demise. We watched as he has disappeared down one hole only to appear at another. He has provided much amusement as he has a scampered across the rocks in his playfull manner. This is no easy feat considering he is now the size of a small dog.

Forever gone will be the days when he would stick his head out to check the weather, only to dart back in if it was cold or wet. Gone also will be the vision of him basking on the rocks when the weather was warm and inviting. We will miss the amusing times, watching him as he observed exterminators confidently setting traps, only to return weeks later disheartened by their results ;)

So to the gopher we say, farewell friend, we will forever remember you and the many hours of joy you provided even on our bad days, may you ever avoid the trap! We will miss you!

                                           
I'm Done! LOL

"HACKING" Rant For 4-08-11

I am becoming increasingly concerned about the security and safety of our electronic records. It seems the more security measures put in place the more breaches there are!

Case in point, this week I received not one but two notifications that my email information had been hacked. What is disturbing about this is that the notifications came from my cell phone provider and my bank. Apparently they both use the same third-party marketing firm!

Although both (generically produced) email messages assured me that no vital or personal information was breached, I am not buying it! These are two instutuions that have access to vital finacial and personal information, and your telling me they just give it to a third party marketing firm?

Hey you behemouth versions of  carnival shell game, how can you tell me that no personal information was breached! Your selling our email addresses to a third party company (Epsilon) that is most likely based overseas. Do you really believe that these sweat shop environment telemarketers care about the security of an american consumer?? How stupid do you really believe we are??

I am checking my agreements because I am pretty confident that I "opted out" of your ridiculous marketing scams..

Maybe we need to look at prepaid phones and keeping our money buried in the yard!

I'm Done!

"SICK" Rant 4-06-11

Sorry, I haven't posted, but I've been sick.

If any one has any doubts or illusions about the downward spiral of our society, all they need to do is watch the film or the explicit trailer for "Human Centipede"

I am not going to give away the plot, but let's say that the cast includes the sickest surgeon ever put on film and of course, the obligatory teenage victims. That however is where the similarity to any other slasher/horror film ends.

This is probably the most disgusting piece of work I have ever encountered. The brain cells that created it obviously grew in a cesspool of sewage. The surgical procedures used and the results acheived, manifest the deepest recesses of a very demented mind. The mind that conceived this makes Steven King look like Dr Suess.

I like a good "horror" film like any one else, but this film proves that any psychotic with a few bucks and a camera can make a film.  Maybe I am giving this film more creedence than is necessary, but it gives new meaning the saying "head up your butt" (clean version) 

Sorry, hope I didn't give too much away. I am attaching a picture...the least shocking I can find. Please view before showing it to children. Oh yea, there is also a sequel out..Oh boy what fun!

 UGHH, I'm Done!

"RULES" Rant 4-01-11

April Fool's Day. Since I've not been feeling well this week maybe I'll just stay in bed. Yea right, I can't stay in bed when I need to be.  Oh well, enough of this, on with the show!

I will probably get a lot of good natured (I hope) disagreement on today's rant, but we'll see.

What a hypocritical species we have become, we want to have"rules", we just don't want to obey them! They say that our adherence to "rules" and our ability to organize our lives is what seperates us from the animals..Well, from what I observe we are heading towards becoming part of the food chain again.

Let's give this some thought. Let's use the once venerable liberal organization like the ACLU. This organization fought many good causes for the down trodden and unjustly treated over the years, but lately it appears their fights involve every petty rule that adults and children want to stomp their feet about. Examples include, children with long hair at schools where long hair is against the "rules", (I had my hair "baretted" by a nun in 7th grade) female students that wear inappropriate clothing, Prisoners wanting chocolate chip cookies, obese gluttons who want to blame the fast food industry for everything they stuff in their mouth, but my favorites are all the religious reasons there are for not following "rules".

Some examples; Orthodox jews not wanting to shave their beards to accomodate life saving equipment REQUIRED when you are a volunteer firefighter! (Since I work in an industry that must have employees "fit tested" for respirators I know how problematic a beard can be) Muslim women refusing to remove face and head coverings when arrested. (why is this an issue?) Muslims not being granted prayer time in the midlle of the day at work. (6 times!!) These are just a few. Here is a thought, DON'T TAKE THE JOB!

I find it amazing that in all these instances the people involved knew the "rules", and then became sanctimonious when they had to follow them. In school all the children AND parents usually sign a "Code of Conduct" document outlining the "rules", most companies also spell out the expectations in their interview and orientation process, especially safety equipment requirements. (I know ours does) As far as religion in the workplace, it's no wonder our companies move to less expensive and less restrictive countries. YOU CAN'T ACCOMODATE EVERYONE! Work is work, you are there to do a job. If you give a muslim  6 prayer breaks a day, what do you do to make sure christians, jews, and other religions are treated equally! It also amazes me how many of these cases make to the national level. Shouldn't local matters regarding "rules" be handled by sitting down and having a..wait for it..CONVERSATION!

This selectively choosing of "rules" is prevelant every where! The nitwit that continues to talk on a handheld device in violation of the law, the unregistered dirtbike riding chimps that think the "rules" don't apply to them, the kids that disrespect their teachers, only to be reinforced by their "meathead" parents.There are many examples I could cite. This rant could be a thousand pages and I wouldn't cover it all.

It has become clear to me that "rules" are fine until they inconvenience us, or force us to discipline our own children! I am by no means targeting any specific group, person, or religion, I think we are all just as guilty.

Remember genuises, the "rules" are here to protect and guide us, if we don't like them we have the power to change them, not just ignore them..Oh yea, but that would mean actually getting involved. I get it.

 Let me ask a hypothetical question. What would you do if your child sneaked out of the house in the wee hours of the morning, took your car for a joy ride, and you weren't even aware they were gone until the police called you, after stopping the vehicle.....Thinking of a "rule" are you :)

Ok, time for me to run a yellow light! I'm such a wild man, you just can't stop me!

I'm Done !