"OH MY! A CONSOLIDATED" Rant for 6-21-11

Ranting is difficult to do when your internet service is down, and near impossible from a cell phone!

Tonights "Rant" is going to be a consolidation of news items and my take on them! But lets start with...

1. Hey Comcast! If you wonder why you are losing marketshare, take a look at the length of time we are without service and the length of time it takes you to correct the problem!
2. Hey Weiner! (I really tried to stay away from this) If your last  name is "Weiner" you think you would avoid acting like one! You would think you would also be "hyper-sensitive" to any perception regarding your "private property"! You may also want to consider you are a freakin troll! No wonder the women complained, do you think they would have complained if the "tweets" were from George Clooney? You just can't trust anyone with a cell phone camera.
3. Hey Paul Ryan! You may want to avoid running a TV AD telling seniors you are protecting them, AFTER you propose slashing Medicaid! You may also want to tell the rest of America that no savings will be realized for 9 years!
4. Hey Michelle Obama! Was it really necessary to take a family entourage on the african trip? I can see the kids and possibly even grandma, but cousins? Are taxpayers footing this bill? hmmm.
5. Hey Mayor of Vidalia GA! I find it laudable that you are standing tall in opposition your conservative brethren against the new tougher immigration law that was passed by your state, but if what you are saying is accurate, and your town's economy depends on the "migrant workers" spending their money there, then it's obviously time to close the town and move on! Oh Yea, ILLEGAL means ILLEGAL!
6. Hey Republican Candidates! Since when does touting how many children, foster children, dogs, cats, llama's, and whatever other creatures inhabit your house, qualify you to be president? You can interpret those revelations in any number of ways..but are you trying to say that the american people are your children? Do we need to be led like "sheeple"? (nod to John Terzi for the term) How insulting! At the end of the day you said nothing! Same words to nowhere with no substance or specifics..If you think we hold you in high regard, read item 1 and 2 for a reality check! You talking pogo-sticks can't even control yourselves. Stop insulting our intelligence!
7. Hey Corporate America! Remember the slick moves you all made to move your money to offshore and overseas banks to avoid our "oppressive" taxes, while taking our jobs with it?  How's that whole european money collapse thing working for you? Now you want to bring the money back, but you want tax concessions! Un-freakin-believable! I'll tell you what, why don't you leave it there and watch it go down the drain with our jobs? Stand on the boat and wave at the Statue of Liberty! Better yet, use all the greedy millions you earned to bail yourselves out pond scum!
8. Here's one for Maryland. Hey Governor Numbnuts, and the Legislative Dwarfs! What prompts you idiots to approve toll hikes for the bridges and tunnels? Have you not realized it yet, that we have no more money? You've sucked us dry! You are making it financially impossible to go to work! Try reducing each legislators expenses! Take away goverment cars and make them pay their own gas, and tolls. How's that for a reality check?
9. Hey John McCain! Are you going senile? How can you blame Arizona wildfires on illegal immigrants? Did they leave a business card? This is one of the most irresponsible comments I've heard in a long time..please retire before you start drooling!

Well, I think I've pretty much covered a few days..The problem is I am now depressed!

I'm Done!

"CRIME WAVE" Rant for 6-13-11

Well, once again I find I am living in a bubble. Who knew we were in the middle of a crime wave!  Oh I don't mean the countless murders, muggings, and robberies that we read and hear about every day. I am talking about the rash of notorious "sugar substitute" thefts that have been plaguing our restaurants.

Yes "sugar substitute" thefts, who would've thought! I came upon this epidemic purely by accident..Of course restaurants would like to keep this quiet, they don't want to cause panic or have their customers feel unsafe.

A couple of weeks ago I was eating lunch and when I ordered coffee I discovered I had to ask for equal, as it was no longer was on the table. I didn't think anything of it until yesterday when my family and I went out to dinner. When I ordered coffee, once again I noticed there was no equal on the table. When I inquired about why there was no Equal, the server looked at me with a serious look and told me that management took it off the tables because people were taking it home!

Oh my!  Where did these notorious "sugar substitute" thieves come from?  Is there a "sugar substitute" cartel? Who knew there was a black market for Equal? Can you be arrested for smuggling Splenda across the Canadian border, or Sweet-N-Low from Mexico? Can the people addicted to this "sweet powder" be helped? Do they steal from family and friends to support their uncontrollable urges, and where does grandma, grandpa, Aunt Bertie and Uncle Bob hide their stash! Think of how embarassing it would be if they were caught! Oh, the shame.

Seriously, how desperate do you need to be to steal sugar and sugar substitute packets from a restaurant. But a more perplexing question is, how much has to be stolen to create a cost issue for a restaurant.

But here's a more disturbing question, how many of those "little packets" are in your car, or purse..hhhmm. Are you one one of them?

I'm Done

"TETHERED" Rant for 6-08-11

I have been assured this evening that cell phones have taken away our ability to show common courtesy, as well as limited our social skills to those of an "orangutan"

Here's a news flash you "genitallia holding" members of our species. I don't want to listen to your cell phone's "kazoo"version of Beethovan's 5th, or Proud Mary while I am in a business workshop! What are you "flea scratching" mammals thinking? TURN IT OFF!

I as well as 20 other people paid "CASH" to attend this workshop because some of us truly believe that improving our skill sets will continue to provide us with one of the sorely needed items in our lives, A JOB! Are the electronic impluses from your "communication" device so ingrained on the ingrams of your brain, that you now respond to it like "Pavlov's Dog", with no regard for your fellow citizens?

Can you no longer respond to a human being in person? Yes, o' hairy one, the person across from you is LIVE, not an avatar. Are you really that important to your friends at the bath house? In the future you may want to spend more time learning the body language of those around you. The looks you were receiving were not encouraging an encore. If you really need the intimate contact of the " Droid" that badly, might I suggest where you can have it implanted?

I'm Done

"Haters" Rant for 6-6-11

I continue to come up with subjects to rant about, but sometimes you just need to show restraint..Unfortunately, if some people's brains were gunpowder, they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose. The problem is the internet has given these earthworms a forum to speak without thinking.

These megaphone mouths attack everyone with no regards for the accuracy of the information, or the feelings of the people they target. There is a recent article that stated "it's an empirical fact: There are people out there that hate you!" It doesn't matter how accommodating you are, it makes no difference, these termites hide in the shadows eating away at anyone they can.

Think about it, before the dot.com explosion people rarely knew their haters up close. They only heard whispers. Need convincing? How many of you have Facebook "friends", or Twitter "followers" that you were never really "friends" with at school, work, or in the neighborhood? How many of these people do you still not speak to personally if you see them on the street?

The availability of a mass audience brings these parasitical maggots out in mass, because the only way they can feel good about their pathetic poop scooping lives is to try and bring someone else down. These are the same lumps of elephant waste that used to (and maybe still do) call your phone at all hours and hang up just to annoy you. They also believe Jerry Springer is a socially conscious tv show.

These mouth breathers have decided to use the one brain cell they have to try and bring the rest of  us down. These people should be living under a bridge, rather than amongst us. The surprising part is that these trolls really think their opinion means something!

Remember, you have to tolerate some annoyances in life, the overcrowded elevator, rude co-workers, and beggars at intersections. Don't continue to tolerate these "social networking" leeches, whose only purpose is to get a rise out of you, and who have no redeeming value at all.

The problem is, when you try to confront these roaches (didn't mean to insult the roaches) they scurry back under their broken down porches to get out of the glare.

So here's an idea, don't waste anymore time on these bottom feeders, just delete their comments and "de-friend, de-tweet and ignore, because they are not worth your time.

I'm Done!

Note: I would like to acknowledge the CNN article by Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, that I referenced and quoted in this rant.

"MORE GREEN STUFF" Rant for 6-01-11

I know everyone remembers my "GREEN" rant, well consider this a "Twighlight Zone" sequel!

The main reason I don't like "green live" growing stuff all around my property is the mindless aimless labor that goes into trying to control it..Oh I know what your saying, but it looks so nice when it cut and cared for.:-P:-P:-P:-P:-P Sand at the beach looks good too, and it doesn't grow like some Franken-Plant!

There are other reasons I don't like this living breathing stuff all around me. Are all those blades of grass individuals? Can they communicate? Do they watch us? (That would be embarrassing for most of us in our younger years, considering where young lovers congregate..I'm just sayin'.), but one of they most freakish things are the "alien" growths that just seem to mysteriously appear. Oh, I am not talking about the occasional mushrooms that appear from too much moisture, or the milkweeds that drive you crazy with roots like tentacles. I am talking about the truly freaky things that you can't identify, that seem to sprout overnight! Where do they come from? Are they truly aliens? Has the grass called in monstrous relatives to help fight the lawn mower, and what effect does all that weed killer and fertilizer really have? We need to know?

I bring all this up because I have been given one more reason to be skeptical of the "blissful" effects of the lawn. This morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed something odd in the center plot of our lawn. Now this plot is normally the home of purple fountain grass in the summertime, because lets face it, this stuff can be planted in about 5 minutes and grows exponentially until August. No fuss no muss, but as usual I am getting off point.

As I said, I noticed something odd. It looked like someone stuck an odd colored stick in our center plot, so I went to investigate. What I found was a "franken-alien" freak of nature. This thing was sticking straight up and looked obscene! It was pink with a dark head..What the hell is it? When you look at the picture below I'll wager you have the same reaction I did, and your going laugh.

You thought I was exaggerating didn't you? My way out theory of the lawn watching us is not so far-fetched now is it? I only have two requests, get this obscene pink thing out of my yard and watch what you do in the grass..It may be watching! :)

I'm Done!