"You Might Be A Driving Moron If" Rant 3-17-11

I thought I would take a page out of Jeff Foxworthy's book. These are in no particular order.

YOU MIGHT BE A DRIVING MORON IF..

1. You think yellow lights are a sign to speed up.
2. You use your car as an office, self grooming area, restaurant, conference room, and library all while driving.
3. You feel the highway is your personal dumpsite by throwing trash out your window at 60 MPH. Before you ask, yes it includes cigarette butts. (after all whose gonna know, beside the car behind you that you hit with the trash?)
4. You think the rest of the world is clairvoyant, so you don't use your turn signal when turning left across traffic. (one of my favorites)
5. You drive below the speed limit in the left lane. (I love "lane police:)
6. You take up two spaces in a full parking lot, because you don't want your "Tom Sawyer" paint job to get scratched.
7. You "create" a space in a parking lot where none exists. (who cares if no one can get around you)
8. You use a handicap spot because, "well they aren't using it anyway".
9. You believe the hanheld ban on cellphone use doesn't apply to you. (after all, discussing last nights drunken binge when your head was in the toilet is so important)
10. You think the stopping distance that the car in the next lane left, is just for you to squeeze into. (combine this with no turn signal for a truly moronic experience.)
11. You think you can draft off the car in front of you just like Nascar. (to take your moronic experience to the next level, turn on your high beams.)
12. You cut across 3 lanes of traffic to exit, causing many drivers to slam their brakes because your job of pebble cleaning is more important than everyone else's life. 
13. You drive up the shoulder in heavy traffic because your a special moron.
14. You drive your motorcycle betweeen car lanes because, "well why not".
15. Someone using their turn signal attempts to change lanes and you speed up, because, "hey they're not getting in front of me." (Uhh ok, guilty sometimes.)
16. You don't use your turn signal at all! (This makes you a special SLUG-MORON)

As I said, these are in no particular order and you may even have some of your own. I'm just throwing them out there.

I'm Done!