I have come to the conclusion that I no longer want to drive..I want my mommy and to go home :(
Today's story of beltway survival begins with a woman who cut me off 3 times, and then waved to me with a silly grin on her face when I went by. I don't know if I am more concerned with allowing myself to be cut off by the same filmentless light bulb brained woman, or being disquieted by the grin.
I decided I needed a rest so I moved to the right lane of traffic. I soon became aware that the right lane is a strange place. People don't really drive there, they coast. They all looked relaxed and some are even smiling! What is wrong, could these be left lane people like myself, who have been lobotomized? What a thought!!
I even tried the middle lane, but we all know that the middle lane is just a transitional lane that is used as a temporary stop when heading to the left or right lane. The criss-cross traffic there just made me dizzy! HELP!
I finally returned to my home in the left lane, but it quickly became clear that a new generation of chimp drivers has invaded my lane..again I was cutoff by a woman, who was apparently in complete ignorance that her car came with a turn signal..I'm done.
With all the car technology we need to develop a Chimp-Imbecile warning system. This system would work like a combination sonar-catscan unit. It would send a beam into the surrounding traffic scanning for signs of human brain activity, the beam would then bounce back and if no human brain activity was found the alarm would sound, thus you could avoid the brain dead chimps that have no license.
The question is, how many of us would pass..I want my mommy!
Mike, a comic from this area (Louie Anderson) says that he wishes he had a ray gun that he could fire at these cyphers and then their car would wander peacefully to the side of the road with the driver unconscious. They would wake up refreshed an hour later and realize "Oh my, I must have been driving stoopid." My former wife just wanted a giant spatula to reach under their car and "flip them off" the road with it. I'm in favor of any or all of these methods.
ReplyDeleteI love Louie Anderson.
ReplyDeleteIsn't there an app for that?
ReplyDelete