"THE PSYCHOTIC GERBIL" RANT FOR 9-15-2015

Good Morning All, (I think)

I am a little wary this morning. I was watching one of those Paranormal shows last night (to my chagrin, alone) and naturally that led to dark night of nightmares. My INSIDIOUS BRAIN decided to give the DEMONS some exercise. Starting with a period earlier in my life when my little DEVILS ANGELS were younger. In their ANGELIC DEMONIC  way they decided to show their love by giving me a present. (AWWHH) I can't remember what the occasion was, (I probably blocked it out due to the trauma.)

The present, an innocuous cuddly looking creature called a GERBIL. A cute little thing with white fur and brown spots and a TWITCHING NOSE common to the RODENT species. How thoughtful, I mused.

Well it wasn't long before I found that this PSYCHOTIC CREATURE was a DENIZEN FROM THE UNDERWORLD, misguidedly REINCARNATED in the body of this THOUGHTFUL PRESENT. (I know they planned this.)

I should have known something was wrong when the first thing the INSANE CREATURE did was LUNGE at the glass of it's home when it saw me, and further RED FLAGS should have GONE UP when this MENTALLY DISTURBED FUR BALL thought my finger was dinner when I tried to feed it. But being the DENSE parent I was, I was just touched that my kids had bought me a PRESENT.
I didn't realize at the time it was a CONSPIRATORIAL PLOT to get me. (time to start looking over my shoulder).

As the days went on it became a jousting match to try and feed this FAUSTIAN PET while keeping my FINGERS INTACT. It became clear to me that my children had helped this POSSESSED RAT escape from a pet MENTAL WARD or CONJURED it up at a SATANIC RITUAL.

Now, I would NEVER ADVOCATE HARMING ANY CREATURE, but as my FINGERS were becoming DOTTED with BITE MARKS, I must admit, I started to plot... After all could this SPAWN OF THE DEPTHS have RABIES????

I became a CRAZED MAN running WHAT IF scenarios through my head, all the while aware the BLOOD THIRSTY DEMON watched me, obviously  PLANNING IT'S ESCAPE. But, how could I explain to my children who had so THOUGHTFULLY given me a present, if the SOULLESS CREATURE suddenly disappeared? Maybe I could say it went to VISIT FAMILY..hhmmm

Well, the solution was soon at hand. I awoke one morning DREADING the feeding ORDEAL, only to find the MANIACAL CREATURE motionless, legs POINTED STIFFLY towards the ceiling...

And for a moment..Oh HELL NO, I didn't feel bad at all, the NASTY RAT was gone! And the best part, I didn't have to DO IT! (I think it was suicide). Let's Party.

                                                                      I'M DONE!
                                                                     (and so is he)