"ENOUGH ALREADY" RANT FOR 10-17-11

 Hey, maybe I am becoming hyper-sensitive, but WHAT THE HELL is with all the "PERSONAL HYGIENE" ads on TV!

Does anybody beside me remember when these ultra personal issues were dealt with on late night commercials?

Really, do we want to hear about some adult wearing a "FREAKIN DIAPER" at dinner time or in a restaurant? it makes you look around and wonder, " MAYBE IT'S HER! Not to mention the meal is now ruined. And, how about the new "KY" jelly ads, They use "EXPLOSIVE" references to simulate the results of this product, and now it's in his and her's special flavors !! Are you kidding? I really don't want to know what anybody is "SPREADING ON THEMSELVES" it could be peanut butter for all I care! How would you like to do that laundry?

Another one is the CATHETER ads. Isn't it nice to know how compact they have become? Shouldn't they be advertised with the DAMN DIAPERS?? Let's add the items to handle, dare I say it? GAS! Yes friends I want to hear about BEANO BEFORE BREAKFAST!!!! Have I gotten to any of you yet :)

Let's move on to the "CONSTIPATION" PRODUCTS! After that meal of  three cheese taco's and other assorted "BINDERY FOODS" how do you get regular again! OMG whatever will you do! C'mon you know this answer "METAMUCIL" see that wasn't so hard.

Continuing on, let's discuss "TROJANS"! Yes folks those little jackets that were originally meant for "BIRTH CONTROL" have now become a "FASHION ACCESSORY". Yes believe it, with their "RIBS, MULTI- COLORS" and other advancements they have become the thing to carry. Hey, they even have ones that"GLOW IN THE DARK!..Hell the last time I glowed in the dark I...sorry, I lost myself. Shouldn't this be up with the "KY" jelly?

But my favorite is still the "FEMININE HYGIENE" products. Hell, these things spawn "SUPER WOMAN"! With their wings, compactness, absorbition capacity, and other "FEATURES" I understand why companies want to tout their products!

Hey, I understand the need for the products, but let's face it, we know when and where we need them! I don't want to be inundated with products that remind me of the noises, secretions, and failings of the human body every minute of the day! I still beileve there are appropriate times for these ads

Let's be honest, when I pass a woman on the street, I don't want to be wondering if what she's wearing is a DIAPER OR PAD...That's OVER SATURATION! hhhhmmmm

The question is, the next time you pass someone on the street will you be wondering if...or will it be YOU! :)

                                                   
                                                                         I'M DONE!(Aren't you glad?)

"OUTSOURCING SUGGESTION" RANT FOR 10-06-11

After carefully considering the outsourcing dilemma our country continues to grapple with, I must admit there is at least one "COST SUCKING" industry we could outsource..."OUR COUNTRY CLUB PRISON SYSTEM"!

I've come to this realization after listening to the details of yet another "CONVICTED MINDLESS BUFFOON", filing a lawsuit! (Hmmm..maybe not mindless, what else does he have to do!) This "DEATH ROW COCKAROACH" , who claims to be a muslim, is suing because his meals are not prepared according to muslim law! BOO-HOO! Do I really need to use the language? Did you give your victim a choice?

This is just another in a long list of ridiculous lawsuits filed by the "HUMAN SEWAGE" in our prison system. From the one that sued because he didn't get chocolate chip cookies, to the one that sued because he was too fat to execute. YOU REALLY CAN'T MAKE THIS UP!!! It's amazing what these "COWARDS" will do to save their "PARASITIC LIVES"

I think we should consider outsourcing bids from Asia, Indonesia, and of course North Africa and the Middle East. Since this latest example of "WASTED SPERM" claims to be muslim, let's send him there, where an "EYE FOR AN EYE" is actually a penalty,  for his punishment!


Seriously, let's consider the costs of running our HOTELS, oopps sorry, our PRISONS. Lets start with the basics;

1. Cable TV
2. Weight Room (Yes, a faster, stronger criminal is a great idea!)
3. Special Meals
4. Free Medical Care
5. Free Education
6. Libraries (Now we have a faster, stronger criminal that can file lawsuits!)
7. The ability to sue
8. Cell Phones (Makes sense, you still have to run your empire)
9. Free room and board.
10. And..we pay them when they work! What a deal.

There are many more points I could add. but I guess you get the idea. My suggestion is again, outsourcing.

Imagine a being a criminal convicted of murder, living in a cell with a hundred other murderers, sleeping wherever you could find a spot. The only meals you get are what they decide to give you, and if you don't eat it you starve. The only clothes you have are the ones on your back, and don't even think about cable TV.

Exercise? Only if you run faster than the bigger inmate chasing you. Lawsuits? Only the ones brought by your family when you disappear. Appeals, that's you begging for your life before they hack you, hang you, shoot you, or whatever other diabolical way they can think of to execute you. Most likely the same way you murdered your victim.

Think of all the money we would save! In addition to the ones I mentioned, you no longer have the costs of endless appeals, and the attorney fees associated with them (sorry attorney's we don't need all of you anyway). The room and board savings alone would put most states back in the black!

Our only cost would be the cost of shipping, and I suggest the cattle shipping method..Maybe we could get a FEDEX rate for that!

Really, Why do these examples of a "FAILED CIA EXPERIMENT" have more than just the basic human rights, of a dry place to sleep and basic nutrition? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Judges need to have a "STUPID STAMP" so that when one of these lawsuits crosses their desk, they can stamp it "STUPID" and move on. They should also charge the filing attorney for the court costs of the "STUPID SUIT"!  

You know..that would probably work for many lawsuits in our society..hhhmmm. Hey look, they're waiting for you!

       
                                                              I'M DONE!

"ARE YOU SURPRISED?" RANT FOR 10-05-11

Well people are you surprised with the "WALL STREET" protests??? You shouldn't be, it been a long time coming!

C'mon you don't really buy into the "TRICKLE ON", oopps, I mean "TRICKLE DOWN" theory of economics that "Saint Reagan" started do you?? If you do, then there really is an excess of swampland in Florida for sale. Really, big companies being called "JOB CREATORS" is like saying Bernie Madoff  was a humanitarian.. 

I have asked this question before, name a big company that has created significant jobs in the last decade? Fortune 500 profits are larger than ever, but nothing has "TRICKLED DOWN" to employees but lay-off's!

Let's give a couple of examples of the never ending greed. Recently in an effort to get around the new consumer protection laws that curtailed the ridiculous "FEE" profits that they generated, Bank of America  announced they would charge a $5.00 fee if you used your debit card for credit purchases!! Yes it's true..

Hey you want to hear something even more incredulous? After the announcement was made on the Today Show, a commercial came on enticing consumers to use their debit cards for purchases! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

These conscienceless blood-sucking leeches in suits could care less about consumers. WAKE UP and stop acting like it's all going to be fine! It's not!

Let's give another example. Wal-Mart recently lost a class action suit because they were over charging customers for sausage. It was only $.02 per package, but still. Laugh if you want, but how many customers visit Wal-Mart daily? You do the math!! Don't worry about these cattle herders, they'll make it up by selling you more cheap worthless crap that is maunfactured overseas by child labor.

Here is a company that almost single-handedly has destroyed the small business structure in this country as well as contributing to the major loss of jobs. By brow-beating the larger suppliers, they have forced them to move manufacturing off-shore to compete. All this has done is force cheaper labor, and poor quality goods on to the american market, all the while eliminating jobs!

Let me ask this. When there is no longer a viable job future for our children, and our economy is so bad that were are no better than a 3rd world country, who will they sell goods to then?  Another question. How can multi-millionaires make fair decisions that affect the lives of mainstream america? (I believe we can solve this with term limits.)

REALITY CHECK...NO JOBS MEANS NO MONEY TO BUY GOODS! It is time to hold these "PIGS IN A SUIT" accountable!

I'M DONE

"END THE INSANITY" RANT FOR 9-29-11

WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH????

The level of the absurd we endure on a daily basis continues to escalate, and our children are being affected.I think before allowing someone to be a teacher, they should have to take a common sense test. Let me explain.

A self-righteous teacher in California (maybe that explains it) disciplined a student for saying "GOD BLESS YOU" when a fellow student sneezed! His explanation was, that is was a class disruption and the sentiment was not relative! He even went as far as to deduct 25 points from the student's grade!

What the hell gives this adle-brained supposed educator the right to impose his personal beliefs on the children in his charge?? Can you imagine the confused and hurt feelings that this student had for conveying a good will sentiment to a fellow student!

Here is some advice to this RIDICULOUS excuse for a teacher. CONCENTRATE ON DOING YOUR JOB! Do not try to impose your beliefs, and in this case, undermine the teachings of the parents. We need teachers to open our children's minds not close them. We don't care about your opinions. If you can't teach objectively and impartially, then go clean up dog crap in the park!

It's closed minded whack jobs like you that don't understand how a child feels, that needs to be doing something else. Stop giving good teachers a bad name.

Don't you think that discipling this student for something positive they said borders on censorship?

I'M DONE!

"CHIMPDOM AT IT'S FINEST" RANT FOR 9-28-11

I know..I know..It's been awhile. So much happening so little time :)

Well just as you start to relax you are reminded of the continued depths of "MORONIC" behavior that the "CHIMPS" can display!

These failures of a human gnome experiment have found a new way to amuse themselves while they are in the drunken stupor of "CHIMPDOM". Prepare yourselves for the latest wonderous tale of "URBAN CHIMPS" in the wild!

I awoke a few days ago to the sound of what in my sleepy state, I thought was gunfire, and I was intially alarmed! Had we been transported to the wild west, or worse to Baltimore city? As my head cleared and I began to investigate, keeping my head low of course, I found it was our resident "POOP THROWING CHIMPS", having what they thought was fun by setting off fireworks.

Now normally the fireworks don't bother me because they run out very quickly, but the "JACKASS" twist the "CHIMPS" put on it this time concerned me! Hold on, I am getting there. They were firing them at houses in the area, and anytime they got close to a house they would jump up and down and start laughing and hollering like they were in a shooting gallery! Oh yea, my house was not spared their inebriated aim.

Fortunately these "LIMITED BRAIN CELLED MAMMALS" that even chimps would be ashamed of, didn't do any harm (although there was fireworks debris in my yard). Someone must have called the police, because they ended their "ARTILLERY BARAGE" simulation abruptly!

Seriously, how brain dead stupid do you have to be to put your neighbors at risk of a fire? The debris in my yard was buries about 1 1/2 in in the ground!

These "PEOPLE" are truly wasted sperm.

I'M DONE!

"GPS" Rant for 10-14-11

Good Afternoon All,

What a wild month it has been, severe storms, hurricane's, earthquakes, more storms and rain. We are considering permanently sandbagging our garage and turning it into an indoor swimming pool. But enough of this. Let's move on to today's topic.

Can anyone of an elightened status explain to me who thought that taking a navigation system that was designed for aircraft and satellites, and installing them into ground vehicles was a good idea?

The chaos that has resulted from this obvious money making ploy is evident! You have all experienced the aftermath of the ill-thought of decision, whether you realize it or not.

Have you noticed the mental giant that crosses 4 lanes of traffic  to get off just as you come to an exit? That's the GPS effect! How about the nit-wit that unexpectedly (and without a signal) changes from the right lane to the left lane cutting you off so they can make a last minute left turn? That's the GPS effect! As a case in point, I have only been lost twice in the last few years and both times I was using one of these mechanical marvels. That's the GPS effect!

What the GPS system has done, is taken an already "lobotomized" society and increased it's dependency on a gadget! The normal driver no longer pays attention to where they are enroute. They solely rely on the "talking map" to tell them when to turn. Unfortunately, when you add the radio and cell phone to the equation, these "road zombies" cannot hear their talking automotive baby sitter, and are thus unaware of where to turn. This causes the "russian roulette" crossing traffic situation. The situation becomes more dangerous when the "lobotomized" segment does not update the unit's software!

Really people, don't you think it would just be easier to know where you are going ahead of time? It would help those of us that still have a few brain cells stay out of harms way, and hey, in these tough economic times, could save you a few hundred bucks :)

I'm Done!

"PT BARNUM WAS RIGHT" Rant For 8-16-11

I have come to the conclusion that PT Barnum was right. There is a every SUCKER BORN every minute!

Take the latest example..Dunkin Donuts has a added a drink called "Frozen Hot Chocolate" when I first saw this I chuckled. How did they accomplish this oxymoron? Did they make hot chocolate and put it in the freezer? My amusement turned to astonishment when I actually saw people ordering this menu item born of SMOKE and MIRRORS (including my son, although he caught on extremely quickly).

I must admit to a certain admiration for the marketing people who come up with these shell games. Are they genuises, or are the people who buy into these ploys so gullible we just need to shake our heads? People spoiler alert! IT'S JUST CHOCOLATE MILK, and not very well mixed at that!

I put this one up there with SKY HOOKS, LEFT HANDED MONKEY WRENCHES, and one of my all time favorites, THE PET ROCK. However,the ultimate winner of the whole money for nothing scam is..(let's see how many people this tweaks) are PSL's. Yes my fellow sheep, PERSONAL SEAT LICENSES! this is the ultimate in proving Barnum's theory! In a nutshell your are actually paying for the right to buy season tickets. Talk about double dipping. Some people have said, I paid for it THAT'S MY SEAT! If you want to test that theory, try using that seat at another event besides a football game.

Don't get me wrong, if wasting your money on these things makes you happy, more power to you. I figure though if I want a better seat than my 46"HDTV, I'll just get a bigger TV. It'll cost less than PSL'S.

I'm sorry if I interrupted your workout time..Hey, you can always take one of those pills that promises weight loss with no controlling what you eat, or doing exercise.

Ole' PT would be proud!

I'm Done!