FATE OF THE WILDEBEEST- RANT 11-13-15

Good Morning fellow WILDEBEESTS. 

As the rain begins this morning, I thought I'd regale you with my RANT talent..(OK, let me know when you're done laughing)

At what point in our WORLD DOMINATING HUMAN INFESTATION of this planet did we start to model our lives on those of the FOLLOW THE LEADER, CLIFF JUMPING WILDEBEEST?

How did we go from INTELLIGENT, PROBLEM SOLVING, INNOVATING MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE to MIND-NUMBED, BABBLING, DROOLING PUPPETS, getting tangled in our own strings? When did we become so dependent on the BRAIN CELL SUCKING approval of our fellow WILDEBEESTS? When did we become so afraid that not following the HERD would make us SOCIAL OUTCASTS, that we would follow them into any INTELLIGENCE DRAINING VORTEX presented.

To get a sense of what I mean just envision the "HOMELESS VILLIAGES" that develop in front of an Apple store, when a new iProduct is released, eventhough that we know in a year it will be obsolete! Then there is the TRAMPLING and DEATHS of our fellow WILDEBEESTS at BLACK FRIDAYsales accross the country, just to aquire the LATEST TOY for little Amy or Johnny, when we know DAMN WELL they won't even play with it 3 months down the road.

And then in true TONGUE and TAIL WAGGING fashion, we rush to the store to buy the latest FASHION TRENDS created by the other WILDEBEESTS. We feed on being HUMAN MANIKINS, strutting proudly while displaying the MANUFACTURERS LOGO of an OVERPRICED, SWEAT SHOP produced item of POOR QUALITY. Does it strike anyone else as odd that we PAY to advertise a MANUFACTURERS PRODUCT?

Then while were STRUTTING around we jump on SOCIAL MEDIA because we just spent money for an overpriced SMART PHONE or TABLET. We retweet or share to SHOW OUTRAGE and SOLIDARITY for every SOCIAL CAUSE that our friends SPOUT, though we know nothing about them, because we do no research. But our WILDEBEEST friends say it so, so it must be true.

Then to continue our HERD FOLLOWING, we get OFFENDED when someone with common sense DOESN'T AGREE with, or CRITICIZES our DESIGNER CLOTHES WEARING, SMART PHONE CARRYING, EARBUD STUFFING asses for our poor behaviour. 

Then we go home after a long day of trying to  IMPRESS the other WIDEBEESTS and turn on our MEGA-TV's (I must admit I have one:). We are innundated with 20 minutes of commercials during every 1 hour show, trying to show us how we must need ADULT DIAPERS, TEETH WHITENERS, FEMINE HYGIENE PRODUCTS and my favorite; BIOLOGICS (medicines) for ailments you didn't even know you had (but hell you can look it up on WEB MD). Or, you can watch QVC selling you items you'll never use, but hell the other WILDEBEESTS have one! Maybe you'll enroll in one of the WEIGHT LOSS SCAMS that don't really work. The best part is that all these products are "HAWKED" by people who need them the least, but damn, they know what's best for the other WLDEBEESTS right?

Well FELLOW WILDEBEESTS, I could go on and on, but the fun must end somewhere. I hope I've given you a accurate analogy of our resemblence to the WILDEBEEST.  Time to break off from the pack or...wait is that a CLIFF up there? 

Watch that last step, it's a LULU! Hey, is that your TAIL WAGGING in my face?

                                                    Gotta run, time to feed the herd.

                                                                      I'M DONE!

THE CLOCK IS TICKING- RANT FOR 10-2-15

Here is today's RANT.I am going to start it with a warning and disclaimer.

This RANT is not going to be funny, whimsical, or a feel good.. Most likely I may anger some. If so, TOUGH! Get a crying towel and call somebody who cares and follow someone else.

Just for the record I AM TOTALLY AGAINST TAKING WEAPONS FROM LAW ABIDING CITIZENS, because unless you disarm the criminals it makes no sense. With that said...

As I sit here ONCE AGAIN listening to reports of yet another MASS SHOOTING, my heart feels as heavy as LEAD. I am APPALLED, FURIOUS, and FEELING HELPLESS as we observe what has become an all to familiar scene. Yet another instance of TERROR and DEATH perpertrated by a MURDERER that has resulted in the DEATHS of innocent people and the ANGUISH of their family and friends, on one of our college campuses.

ONCE AGAIN we listen to the OBLIGATORY expressions of ANGER and SORROW as well as the self-serving PONTIFICATION of our incompetent elected officials, who do nothing but POINT FINGERS of BLAME at THEIR OPPONENTS.

Well I for one, am TIRED of it. It's time to STOP POINTING FINGERS and work together to find a SOLUTION. It's time for these OFFICALS to CLOSE their collective INSINCERE, PLATITUDE SPOUTING mouths and DO SOMETHING! Listening to their INTELLIGENCE INSULTING explantions has become LAUGHABLE!

These SO-CALLED PUBLIC SERVANTS, know the where the problems and solutions lie.

We all know the STUMBLING BLOCKS to meanigful solutions are..(wait for the moment of enlightenment) GUN LOBBIES and MONEY. (are you as shocked as me?)

The GUN LOBBYISTS have there hand so far up our LEGISLATORS butts, that their fingers CONTROL THEIR LIPS. Add to this their GENEROUS CONTRIBUTIONS and the result is OBVIOUS.

These SO-CALLED GUARDIANS of the PUBLIC TRUST, need to read the 2nd amendment and understand it, not let the GUN LOBBIES INTERPRET it for them! No where does it state we can run unfettered through the streets with assault rifles. It is also tiring to hear the phrase "GOD GIVEN RIGHT" I challenge any of these so called SPINNERS of TRUTH to show me where in the Bible it says "AND LET THEM HAVE AK'S AND AR'S". It's pure and simply a "MAN GIVEN RIGHT"

Once again I remind you, I am AGAINST taking guns from LAW ABIDING CITIZENS, but as a VietNam Vet and someone who has seen the effects of an assualt rifle on the HUMAN BODY, I must say the CLOCK is TICKING, something has to be done.

What I am against is giving every CRIMINAL, FANATIC, and ZEALOT with a CAUSE free access to weapons.I find it sadly ODD that the need for IDs and CHECKS are loudly voiced to control VOTING and other BASIC RIGHTS, but not to protect the safety of our CHILDREN and SOCIETY. Could it be that the GUN RIGHTS ADVOCATES that so ADAMANTLY OPPOSE background checks COULDN'T PASS one themselves? (food for thought)

The phrase that GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE is ACCURATE. People are KILLED by UNIDENTIFIED CRIMINALS, LUNATICS ZEALOTS and FANATICS and most of all APATHY. It's only COMMON SENSE to make it as difficult as possible for these PEOPLE to get weapons.

Our PUBLIC SERVANTS should be ASHAMED! It's time to take the PUPPET MASTERS hand out of your ASSES and DO WHAT'S RIGHT! The CLOCK IS TICKNG for a meaningful SOLUTION.

I'm sure I angered someone enough that they have put their CAMO'S on and are cleaning their UZI.

                                                                         I'm Done

"ANOTHER MUTANT ALIEN MUSHROOM" RANT FOR 9-24-15

Good Morning Puny Earthlings, (It will become apparent why I uses that term)

In 2011 I RANTED about a disturbing obscene "PLANT" that appeared on my lawn. This ALIEN MONSTROSITY  had been obviously sent here to spy on us, and chose it's form to match how we describe each other. It left as mysteriously as it appeared. I believe it must have gathered the necessary information. Below is my SURVEILLANCE photo

Well, a new threat has appeared. This one looks more like a MUSHROOM, but I'm not buying it.  This is either the 2nd wave of an ALIEN INVASION or...It's part of a SECRET GOVERNMENT PROJECT designed to turn us all in MUSH MINDED ZOMBIES! Oh sorry, the GOVERNMENT has already done that. It LANDED almost in the same spot as the 2011 INCIDENT....Hmmm curious.

What does this solitary CREATURE want, what is it's DEVILISH purpose. Is it here to enslave our race, one MUSHROOM BURGER at a time? Will it top our STEAKS and INFILTRATE our SAUCES and GRAVIES, and (chills) HOW WOULD WE KNOW? The plot is too HORRIFYING to think about. As I watch I think I see MOVEMENT. I am right. IT'S OPENING!
I am frozen what should I do?? Do I call the EPA, the POLICE or...wait, I think I just saw a BLACK SUV with a RADAR disc on the top, and was that a guy in a HAZMAT SUIT??

         My bad, just a chef looking for TOPPINGS. The hat confused me. Well, time to MOW, but I would be cautious the next time you buy FRESH MUSHROOMS at the store


                                                                        I'M DONE!

"THE PSYCHOTIC GERBIL" RANT FOR 9-15-2015

Good Morning All, (I think)

I am a little wary this morning. I was watching one of those Paranormal shows last night (to my chagrin, alone) and naturally that led to dark night of nightmares. My INSIDIOUS BRAIN decided to give the DEMONS some exercise. Starting with a period earlier in my life when my little DEVILS ANGELS were younger. In their ANGELIC DEMONIC  way they decided to show their love by giving me a present. (AWWHH) I can't remember what the occasion was, (I probably blocked it out due to the trauma.)

The present, an innocuous cuddly looking creature called a GERBIL. A cute little thing with white fur and brown spots and a TWITCHING NOSE common to the RODENT species. How thoughtful, I mused.

Well it wasn't long before I found that this PSYCHOTIC CREATURE was a DENIZEN FROM THE UNDERWORLD, misguidedly REINCARNATED in the body of this THOUGHTFUL PRESENT. (I know they planned this.)

I should have known something was wrong when the first thing the INSANE CREATURE did was LUNGE at the glass of it's home when it saw me, and further RED FLAGS should have GONE UP when this MENTALLY DISTURBED FUR BALL thought my finger was dinner when I tried to feed it. But being the DENSE parent I was, I was just touched that my kids had bought me a PRESENT.
I didn't realize at the time it was a CONSPIRATORIAL PLOT to get me. (time to start looking over my shoulder).

As the days went on it became a jousting match to try and feed this FAUSTIAN PET while keeping my FINGERS INTACT. It became clear to me that my children had helped this POSSESSED RAT escape from a pet MENTAL WARD or CONJURED it up at a SATANIC RITUAL.

Now, I would NEVER ADVOCATE HARMING ANY CREATURE, but as my FINGERS were becoming DOTTED with BITE MARKS, I must admit, I started to plot... After all could this SPAWN OF THE DEPTHS have RABIES????

I became a CRAZED MAN running WHAT IF scenarios through my head, all the while aware the BLOOD THIRSTY DEMON watched me, obviously  PLANNING IT'S ESCAPE. But, how could I explain to my children who had so THOUGHTFULLY given me a present, if the SOULLESS CREATURE suddenly disappeared? Maybe I could say it went to VISIT FAMILY..hhmmm

Well, the solution was soon at hand. I awoke one morning DREADING the feeding ORDEAL, only to find the MANIACAL CREATURE motionless, legs POINTED STIFFLY towards the ceiling...

And for a moment..Oh HELL NO, I didn't feel bad at all, the NASTY RAT was gone! And the best part, I didn't have to DO IT! (I think it was suicide). Let's Party.

                                                                      I'M DONE!
                                                                     (and so is he)

MORON TOP 10 LIST RANT FOR 9-9-15

Good Morning Humans,

What a beautiful inspiring morning! (ok, I'm over it :)

Today's MAGNIFICENT INSIGHT is a MORON TOP 10 LIST. This list is in no particular order (you may have one of your own) but it is amusing none the less. I am sure some of you may identify with it, but your secret is safe with me..Well, maybe. I am going to do it in reverse order in true LETTERMAN fashion. Are you ready?? Are you sure?? Ok, read'em and weep.

YOU MAY BE A MORON IF...

10. If you believe TRICKLE DOWN economics stimulates the economy..(the term "trickle down" is telling.)

09. If you think CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE..(do you think Pet Rocks                            are sentient beings?) 

08. If you believe POLITICAL CORRECTNESS promotes solidarity...(I think I found a buyer for my swampland.)

07. If you believe everything you read on the INTERNET...(Snow White was real)

06. If you believe VOTER FRAUD is or was RAMPANT...(do you all have your ID???)

05. If you believe CLIMATE CHANGE is a fairy tale...(the 7 dwarfs are your neighbors)

04. If you believe the ACA is socialism....(be suspicious the poison apple may be in your fruit bowl)

03. If you believe BEARING ARMS is a "GOD GIVEN" right...(please show me the bible passage or better yet, the constitutional amendment that GOD signed.)

02. If you think DENALI means black power..( Let's try "The High One")

01. If you believe a 3 TIMES MARRIED County Clerk in Kentucky really believes in the sanctity of marriage.... (Can you say "Seperation of Church and State", ooohh there is that pesky constitution again.)

Ok sheeple let me see if I can clarify what I'm saying here. These are all "OPINIONS" and more disturbing, "BELIEFS" that I see posted on SOCIAL MEDIA. It is once again concerning that we forward, repost and spout things that we see without verifying. ARE WE ALL REALLY THIS STUPID?? Are our brains so addled by the influx of information that we follow every RIDICULOUS COMMENT and OPINION as though it were an edict from above?

When did we stop thinking for ourselves, or is it just easier to let someone else do the thinking for us..and..

Oh wait, Sorry I need to respond to this text. Talk to you later...

I'M DONE!

ANIMAL ROYALTY????? RANT FOR 9-8-2015

Well, good morning all :). I am sure you just couldn't wait for my latest installment. (Hey, wake up.) I am sure I will get some finger wagging and SCOWLS over this Rant.

So let me pose this question? When did we bestow ROYAL LINEAGE on, and begin WORSHIPING our pets?? (Yes I said PETS!) I saw a news segment today highlighting PET (there's that word again) FASHION. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Look, please don't misunderstand me, I love animals, but I am not ready to elevate them to the status reserved for my human children, which required CONCEIVING and BIRTHING.(although there have been times I thought of demoting my children.) I have an issue with PUTTING A KNIT SWEATER on my dog. (If I currently had one) I'm sure that my last dog (a very muscular and virile looking animal) would have rather frozen and wished for poseable  thumbs in an effort to END HIMSELF, rather that be seen in a knitted sweater. Add to this the HUMAN EQUAL cost of healthcare and GOURMET food and they are more expensive than raising a child.

What has caused us to lose our senses regarding these MANIPULATIVE, FUR BARING, FOUR LEGGED, SLOBBERING, FURNITURE DESTROYING creatures? I became aware of a report, (which confirmed what I already knew) that cats don't really form an attachment to their owners. BIG SURPRISE! These ALOOF and CONCEITED creatures, which appear to have no redeeming value other than to catch mice, seem to do nothing but look at us in DISDAIN and use our furniture as SCRATCHING POSTS! Some would argue that they give us love. Well, REALITY CHECK, dogs obviously do, (bless there little hearts for earning their keep.) but cats, NOT SO MUCH! We spend thousands of dollars on FANCY BEDS, coming home with the latest FANCY TOYS and even take them to PET SPA'S to keep these  REINCARNATIONS of the PHARAOHS OF EGYPT stress free, all the while telling our children we can't afford it WHEN THEY MAKE A REQUEST...tsk,tsk

I SMH when I see 24 hour news coverage and MASS PROTESTS of a lion being killed (which was shameless)  and MINIMAL coverage of human tragedy. .

It amuses me when PET PARENTS (what a term) FAWN OVER and PROUDLY DISCUSS their PET CHILD'S (giggle) perceived accomplishments, while gently brushing their fur. It sometimes takes me awhile to realize they are discussing a PET. (yes I said it again). I sometimes wonder where it all will end. There is something inherently wrong when we spend more time, money and affection on our pets than on people. After all they are just ANIMALS! Deserving of proper care and affection, but not WORSHIP.

Disclaimer; No animals were harmed or eaten while writing this Rant....BURP, Sorry

Well, got to run, I don't think my goldfish flushed completely.



                                                            I'M DONE

.

What the HELL is a BRONY?? Rant for 8-13-15

Hell, I don't even know how to start this Rant. It's going to be difficult to type between chills. This subject really creeps me out! I've thought about this for days before deciding on this Rant.

BRONIES!!!!  What is a Brony you may ask, well, let me tell you. According to the URBAN DICTIONARY and WIKIPEDIA, a BRONY IS; "A name typically given to the MALE VIEWERS/FANS of the my LITTLE PONY franchise. These supposed MALE (I have significant doubts) do not give in to the hype that MALES aren't allowed to enjoy things that are intended for females." I would agree with the premise in some instances, but not this one.

Can you get more creepy than this. Scientists need to check their lab, because their EXPERIMENT IS MISSING AND MULTIPLYING! The more disturbing part is that they have conventions for these (chuckle) FANS. Oh it gets better. These GENETIC MISFITS even dress as their favorite MY LITTLE PONY! REALLY! OK, maybe I am overreacting, but I have this vision of these failed GENETIC EXPERIMENTS sitting in a playroom with some little girl, playing with a LITTLE PONY set. (SHUDDER) If it wasn't so creepy I would laugh.

Can you imagine the conversation at the office, Hey JOE want to go for a drink? Sorry Ray, I promised my daughter we would dress as my LITTLE PONIES and run around the playroom. Better yet, how about attending CAREER DAY at your daughters school dressed as a LITTLE PONY character? (YOUR FAVORITE, OF COURSE). 

For some reason I just can't wrap my LITTLE GRAY CELLS around this. Look guys, if you are 30 YEARS OLD and are DRESSING AS A MY LITTLE PONY character, then you have issues. You are even CREEPIER than the FURRIES!  (that's a whole other Rant)

I know my OLD GUY PERSONA is showing, but this makes me look over my shoulder. I mean do these guys masturbate to PONY PORN??

I really don't care if you are a fan of the show, but you must admit becoming a CREEPIER version of the CHARACTER makes  everyone uncomfortable. If you want to be treated NORMALLY, stop making sure that everyone knows your BRONY at all times. 

You really can't make this stuff up. Oh, by the way, I have a MY LITTLE PONIES Corral for sale. Interested? AND stop getting HOOF PRINTS on my carpet, Geezz

                                                                           I'M DONE!