"MORE GREEN STUFF" Rant for 6-01-11

I know everyone remembers my "GREEN" rant, well consider this a "Twighlight Zone" sequel!

The main reason I don't like "green live" growing stuff all around my property is the mindless aimless labor that goes into trying to control it..Oh I know what your saying, but it looks so nice when it cut and cared for.:-P:-P:-P:-P:-P Sand at the beach looks good too, and it doesn't grow like some Franken-Plant!

There are other reasons I don't like this living breathing stuff all around me. Are all those blades of grass individuals? Can they communicate? Do they watch us? (That would be embarrassing for most of us in our younger years, considering where young lovers congregate..I'm just sayin'.), but one of they most freakish things are the "alien" growths that just seem to mysteriously appear. Oh, I am not talking about the occasional mushrooms that appear from too much moisture, or the milkweeds that drive you crazy with roots like tentacles. I am talking about the truly freaky things that you can't identify, that seem to sprout overnight! Where do they come from? Are they truly aliens? Has the grass called in monstrous relatives to help fight the lawn mower, and what effect does all that weed killer and fertilizer really have? We need to know?

I bring all this up because I have been given one more reason to be skeptical of the "blissful" effects of the lawn. This morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed something odd in the center plot of our lawn. Now this plot is normally the home of purple fountain grass in the summertime, because lets face it, this stuff can be planted in about 5 minutes and grows exponentially until August. No fuss no muss, but as usual I am getting off point.

As I said, I noticed something odd. It looked like someone stuck an odd colored stick in our center plot, so I went to investigate. What I found was a "franken-alien" freak of nature. This thing was sticking straight up and looked obscene! It was pink with a dark head..What the hell is it? When you look at the picture below I'll wager you have the same reaction I did, and your going laugh.

You thought I was exaggerating didn't you? My way out theory of the lawn watching us is not so far-fetched now is it? I only have two requests, get this obscene pink thing out of my yard and watch what you do in the grass..It may be watching! :)

I'm Done!