"TAILGATING" Rant 5-31-11

Happy Memorial Day to all vet's and our prayers are with all we have lost.

On to the business at hand! has tailgating become an obsessive art form? I began to observe this childish phenomena last week when I had a plumbing truck damn near sitting in the bed of my truck at 65 MPH. Oh yea, did I mention he was TEXTING??? I coudn't even see the front grill of his truck! I guess one of his in-bred cousins sitting on the porch, told him as long as he could connect two pipes like a kid kinects set, he didn't need brains!

Since I didn't leave the house most of the weekend, I didn't observe much more until today when I decided to go wash my truck. It was a great day to get my truck washed as the car wash was almost empty..almost. I was pulling into the wash bay when a one-celled creature that was obviously spawned on a mud-flat, pulled in right behind me, again right on my bumper! The only thing I could surmise was that with the heat today, this creature was trying his best to return to his roots. He must have needed moisture and this was the closest thing to a mud-flat.. I know they are not trying to read anything, because I hate bumper stickers and refuse to put them on my truck!

I did get out of the truck and walk around the back to look. All I can think is that my truck has one irresistably sexy rear end! I never realized I had such a hot truck! Who knew I was the proud owner of such a vehicle! Are you jealous? Since I am now enlightened about the attraction of my vehicle, here are the ground rules..

If you want to meet my truck, ASK!  Please don't sniff like a dog in heat, it's dangerous!

I'm Done!

"MOOD" Rant 5-25-11

What a last few days..I am begining to think my wife is right when she calls me borderline "bi-polar". Every little thing is driving me crazy! Although I think there is a little "black cloud" dynamic working here also.

I think it started last Sunday morning, when I stopped for coffee at the local "Dunkin" and waited 15 minutes in the drive through lane, (it may have been more) because they were waiting on eggs, and the first person in line ordered 5 sandwiches! Shouldn't there be some type of ordering guidelines in a drive through? Then when they gave me my coffee it was cold, causing me to have to park and go in. I really have no patience for waiting in line. I won't even elaborate on further events of the last few days, only to say I hope the "black cloud" dynamic ended last night when I was notified that a present I ordered two weeks ago, was no longer in stock! :-(

I guess the bottom line is, I am tired of catering to, and making allowances for, insentive mud-dwellers who think of no one but themselves. The unfortunate part is that once you stop making those allowances, you start to become the very thing you dislike..How's that for a conundrum! I stopped ranting every day because I could find something to rant about everyday (make sense?). At that point you wonder if there are really that many issues, or if the problem is your own intolerance..valid question I think.

I find myself being annoyed when people text while I am talking to them, use handheld phones while driving, and just generally treat others as though they were of secondary importance. Store clerks treat us as though they are doing us a favor when the wait on us, restaurants give us substandard food, and doctors rush us through appointments like cattle, after making us wait for hours! Add to that the employers that give us minimal pay raises (not all employers), cut our benefits and bemoan that fact that they can't compete, all the while banking 7 figure incomes.

We have become a rude, confrontational society, with little tolerance of others. Lewis Black calls us a "whack-a-mole" society, that when you whack one bottom feeder on the head, three more pop up to take their place. The question is; is it the cause or effect?

Wow, where did all this self-introspection philosophy come from?? It's creepy! Sometimes I like being a pain in the a%#, but lately, I seem to be arguing, just to be arguing. Oh Well. I think  I like the perspective Tim Wilson has in his video " But, I Could Be Wrong" It's a little out of date, but still applicable :) I am attaching it. Be warned the language is coarse!

Maybe I'll just take a couple of "happy pills" and it will all be fine in the morning, or will I even notice?

I'm Done.

"PEDESTRIAN" Rant 5-21-2011

Well, back to the "normal" rants :-) Ranting about politics is like kissing your sister! (apologies to my sisters)

Hey, have you ever noticed how drivers become confrontational pedestrians when they park? Yes, the same flat heads that show other drivers and pedestrians countless discourteousies when they drive their "anatomical extensions", become confrontational "knuckle dragging" pedestrians when the park.

You know which ones I mean. The "shrunken heads" that walk through the parking spaces when you are trying to park, and the ones that walk behind you, like you're clairvoyant when you're pulling out. Add to that the "invincible rodents" that scurry across a busy four-lane, or jaywalk against a red light, all the time giving you a sarcastic defiant look that says, "so, what are you going to do about it?"

I have discovered that I've possibly reached a time in my life that I carry enough insurance, and possibly have the financial means, to change the look on their faces as my truck's bumper split's their butt cheeks as I toss them through an imaginary set of goal posts. What a visual!

Imagine the look on their face as you chase them through traffic like they were a contestant in "Death Race 2000" (look it up). Cherish the moment as you fantasize about chasing one of these lazy examples of a slug across the street as they jaywalk in front of you, causing them to slide headfirst to the curb. Will they be safe or out?

You know what is really alarming?? I am actually smiling as I think of this stuff!..Hmmm..Maybe you better be careful when you cross the street, or be extremely fast!

I'm Done..or am I?

"NO COMPASS GOVERNMENT" Rant For 5-17-11

I have figured out the difference between the extreme right and the extreme left. It's the direction their heads lean from the weight of their half-brains!

Do you really believe the spin these talking "garbage cans" are spewing? Consider these points!
1. Tax Breaks For The Wealthy, have been touted to stimulate the economy since the Regan years. In reality we've never seen it create jobs, and at this time we continue to lose jobs overseas. So it's BS! The only trickle down effect we in the middle receive is a trickle on our heads!
2. Subsidies For Big Oil, continue to perplex me. How can you justify subsidies to companies that will rack up 200 Billion in profits in 2011? But yet the scare tactics of higher oil prices are being used. Have you noticed that gas prices go up on the mere mention of higher oil prices, but they don't come down when lower prices are projected? Think about it.
3. Social Security was a completely solvent program before these sticky fingered jackals decided to raid it. By the way it is not an "entitlement" program as some would have you believe. We working people pay into it. If all the politician's had to use the same benefit package we do, thing would change.
4. Healthcare Reform was a completely reasonable topic of discussion before the "toxic" spin was put to it. Let me ask, do you really believe that when an insurance company denies a claim for life saving treatment because it's too costly, that it's not a form of a "death panel"? How about prescription drugs? Do you really buy that Canada's less expensive drugs are lower quality than ours? they are the same drugs, ours are expensive because we don't have the cost controls that other countries have. It's all about profit!

Let's move to the state side. It takes a special group of "hemp smokers" to push some of the ridiculous measures in our "fee" state. let's just mention a couple.
1. In State Tuition For "Illegal" Immigrants. Yes "illegals", not the softer term "undocumented immigrant". I was asked this past week by one of my employees, who is a Jamaican National and just a few weeks from his final citizenship test, after 5 YEARS! He wanted to know why it took him so long to get the benefits of this country when people just walking across the border are getting them? How embarrassing to be asked this question.
2. More Proposals To Raise The Gas Tax and Tolls! I don't know how many remember the last gas price crunch, but the state raised tolls then, because they lost revenue when we reduced our driving. But here is the point! The transportation revenue for our state, is similar to the social security account. The account had enough cash, and revenue sources to carry itself through lean times, but as always politicians can't keep their hands out of the cookie jar. We are now being asked to pay more so these fiscally irresponsible stooges can double-dip.

If we continue to let these irresponsible, sticky-fingered abusers of the public trust serve their own interests instead of ours, we deserve what we get. Please educate yourselves before the next elections, local or national. Vote from a position of knowledge, not just because you like someone!

I hate Ranting about politics!

I'm Done!

"CHIMPS IN A SUIT" Rant For 5-16-11

Has it really been 6 days since my last rant? Did you miss me? I guess I really don't need an answer to that!

You know, it disappoints me to rant on the same problem only with a new variation. I continue to be reminded that a whole new generation of non-caring "Chimps" is being raised in our neighboorhood, evidently by poop-throwing "Chimp" parents.

On Sunday morning I awoke to what was a beautiful morning, only to have the scene and mood destroyed when I looked out the window. There I saw the light pole which illuminates our intersection toppled across my neighbors lawn with the globe and broken glass strewn in the street. At first I thought that someone had turned the corner and lost control of their vehicle, (possibly a previous generation of "Chimps" driving too fast through the neighboorhood) but upon closer examination there were no skid marks on the street, or tire tracks in the grass leading to the pole, nor were there any significant dents in the pole itself.

Conclusion; It must have been the group of "Chimps" in training that were clustered outside like a rogue band last night. Obviously, it is mating season for the young "chimps", who must have been trying to show their  virility and dominance to the females of the band.

At some point they must have tried to show their tree swinging agility by substituting the pole in place of a tree, bringing it down in the process. I guess it continues to validate the adage that "you can put a suit on a chimp, but it's still a chimp"

Hey, it could have been worse, I could have had to clean poop from my car windows..hhhmm, maybe everyone should keep their windows closed when driving through our neighborhood!

In all seriousness, we should all know where our cildren are what they are doing!

I'm Done!

"REVENGE OF THE TREE" Rant for 5-10-11

Have you ever been stalked by a Christmas tree??  No, I am not smoking anything!

You may remember a "Rant" from February when I talked about the "Plight of the Christmas Tree". Well, I put the tree out for collection and I never saw it again, and that should have been the end of it..Oh No!

Imagine my surpise when I came home one day last week, and saw what I thought was a downed tree just off my property on the right side of my house. I was perplexed because fortunately all my trees were still standing. Imagine my STARK TERROR when I got closer and saw it was a "Christmas Tree"! Could this be...no it couldn't, not the neighborhood roaming "Christmas Tree"! Though it's greenery was now brown, it certainly resembles the roaming tree. Even a friend and neighbor who was walking by commented, "is that the tree?"

Where did the Franken-Tree come from,  and what wood chipping machine had it escaped from? And why come back here? What does it want? Will it harm the family? All sorts of horrible scenarios are going through my head! Maybe it knows that disposal means a future in the mulch pile, and is having none of it!

So here it sits, quietly staring at my house, plotting it's next move, like a spirit returned. For now we wait patiently as it is not on my property, but just a few more feet...and can you say BONFIRE!


Ok, maybe I need to be smoking something..It's just a dead tree..or is it ?

I'm Done :)

"MORE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS WHINING" Rant for 5-8-11

Hey all, Just a note to any Mom's reading this. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

OK, So I guess between driving and overblown politcal correctness, you can pretty much see what "frosts my cookies" the most.

I truly believe that if any group in this country has been wronged, it is the native americans, talk about stealing and plundering! I still can't figure out how you claim a country that you "discover" when there are indigenous people living there.

With that said, I think they should be embarrased by a leadership request that the goverment apologize to them for naming the operation related to Bin-Laden "Geronimo". They are offended that their legendary leader has been associated with a terrorist. Here is my opinion "GET OVER IT" In truth "Geronimo's" true name was "Goyaale" from the Chiricahua language meaning "One Who Yawns". Would they be more offended if we called him a "Sleepy Indian"? The name "Geronimo" was given to him by the Mexican's during a battle.

I think we need to be reminded that Goyaale was a warrior, responsible for the deaths of many Mexican's and American's in arguably defense of Apache lands. Thus ends the partial history lesson.

When did every indivdual and group in this country become such an annoying bunch of whiners? If we feel slighted in the least, we yell, stomp our feet and demand apologies or more. Oh Yea, and PLEEEASSSE don't say anything to our entitled children!

ATTENTION PEOPLE! If we don't get overt this ridiculous me..me..me fascination and start working together as Americans, there will be a lot more to worry about than if somone "offended" you.

Again, do we just not get it? We are going in the wrong direction! Don't think so, just look around you!

I'm Done

"WTH" Rant for 5-6-11

Let me ask! What do you do to offend the driving gods so egregiously, that you almost get in an accident with ..you are not going to believe this, A CROP DUSTER!

Stop laughing, this is serious stuff! (well, only if I had been hit) You know, as much as I complain about the beltway, this one really scared the heck out of me! ( You know this comment was edited :)

Let me set the scene, (again, stop laughing) I know, you can't make this stuff up. Anyway, I am crusin' back from Federalsburg, MD and it's a gorgeous day! So I am on 331 between Preston and Easton munching on a quarter pounder, when I see a yellow small plane making a dive towards the ground about a half-mile ahead. I know the direction he is heading and I am thinking "there's no airport there and he is coming down quick" I am convinced he is going to crash when he disappears over the tree line.

I began waiting for the crash but heard or saw nothing. I began looking to the right for some sign of where he went, when I came around a slight curve..and there he was at almost ground level spraying a field and heading toward the road..

I just remember thinking "you've got to be kidding, killed by a crop dusting plane! What are the $&%?$&! odds?" when the plane pulls up just before the road. I had already slammed the brake and the truck was heading sideways. Now I'm worried about getting hit by oncoming traffic, but fortunately I was not going very fast (thanks to the quarter pounder) and there was no oncoming traffic! (my wife will be glad to hear that)

I finally get the truck straightened out and the plane was gone. The car behind me has backed off to ridiculously safe distance and the world appeared to have returned to normal, except for my heartbeat, which by now is looking for serious relief. I know you will all be pleased to know that I didn't drop the quarter pounder or, even lose a piece of lettuce.

After my heartbeat returned to normal and I settled down, I began thinking, what the hell! The plane WAS SPRAYING! Now I am worried about being poisoned. I hope I don't wake up with another head. I have a hard enough time keeping this one straight!

I Was ALMOST Done

"GAS PRICES GIVE ME GAS" Rant for 5-03-11

Ok, is anybody besides me getting ready to go ape crap over gas prices?? This morning when I filled up my 15 Gal at 15MPG truck, my heart skipped a beat. I wonder what happens to the people who now can't even afford to drive to work.

Here is my problem, ok not my only one, but let's start here. Has anyone else seen the profit reports for part of the oil industry for the quarter? 47 BILLION DOLLARS! Yes my fleeced sheep friends, 47 BILLION! So can one of the "extreme right wing loons" (this statement doesn't speak to the whole conserative right) explain to me why we still give oil subsidies to these leeches?

I love how there is all this spouting about cutting smaller social programs, (Planned Parenthood and Headstart are killing us ;-p )but we refuse to look at the big ticket items. (earlier rant) OK right, as a sign of good faith lets cut oil subsidies and rein in corporate greed, and left, lets quit trying to care of everyone's problems.That should save a few bucks.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of paying for oil that hasn't even been removed from the ground yet. If the price went down you wouldn't see a reduction this quickly. Then there is the argument of "research". To that I answer how stupid do you think we are? If you can't manage your business on 47 BILLION in profit for a quarter, (do the math, that's almost 200 BILLION a year!) PLUS THE GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES, you need to be out of business.

Don't misunderstand I am not against profits. If my company didn't make profits I'd be holding a "will work for food sign" but enough is enough!

I really need to stay away from political stuff, it raises my blood pressure.

Im Done!

"GRASS" Rant 5-1-11

Ok..So what's the big deal about grass?? Allright let me clarify so your minds don't wander. I mean the lawn grass!

Somewhere in our young lives we were taught to believe grass was good, that many acres would calm us, and that running through it was a mystical experience..BULL!

This green crap just keeps growing, it's worse than getting a haircut! You have to water it, weed it, fertilize it, and what ever else it takes to nurture it. FOR WHAT? Say it with me..Just so you can CUT IT!

Ok, I am probabaly different than most of you, I grew up in South Philly, where if you wanted grass you painted the sidewalk green. Hell, we had neighbors that when they started getting weeds in their miniscule yard, they panicked and covered the whole thing in concrete.

People ask, but where did you play football and other sports? Answer, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! We played tackle football in the street, the whole time dodging cars and using them as blockers. Any body can play football on (wimpy) grass. A kid's character really gets built when he gashes a knee on a car bumper, and then gets gravel and tar in it from a street tackle! Walk it off!

Hey, we spent so little time around grass, that the first time we took my daughter to the park and attempted to put her down in the grass, she screamed! She was terrified of the green protruding stuff, and hell, it harbored bugs! I think she was almost 3 before she would walk in it barefoot.

Maybe this is an issue for me because I view mowing like doing dishes, laundry, and some other tasks that suck down enormous amounts of time, only to have to be done again next week.

Or maybe it's just that I have no place to draw a deadbox. (google that one!)

I'm Done!

visit http://mikesopenbox.com/ I know shameless commercialism :)