"WHERE ARE THE COPS?" Rant for 2-23-12

Good Morning. I hope everyone is well.

I need to make everyone aware of a crime that travels under the radar. I think it's time the police stop being distracted by the "petty" crimes of murder, assault and fraud. Terrorism could also take a back seat to the "HEINOUS" crime I have been subjected to!

They need to increase the resources and manpower to prevent the dangerous, unsettling, and nefarious crime of "GROCERY THEFT"! YES, GROCERY THEFT!!

What the hell are you laughing at????  Maybe many of you have experienced this assualt on your efforts to refill your pantry, but I have not! These "BAG-GRABBING TROLLS" have really irked me!

The day was proceeding as normal when I stopped at the store to buy items for dinner. Who could have forseen the events that what shake me to the core. After spending time at the deli counter with crying babies and a "walker-wielding" senior, who ran over my foot while smiling, (I think she did it on purpose!) I headed for the checkout.

After checking out and heading home I found I was a bag short..I thought I had forgotten it and headed back to the store. Then I realized that I had only two bags when I left the store, because that was what was on the counter. When I asked the checkout girl about the other bag, she told me that the person in front of me probably took it, and that it happens all the time. WHAT??? She then directed me to the courtesy counter to solve my dilemma.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to tell a young woman that someone stole "YOUR MEAT"!!! I felt so humiliated and ashamed. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL???

I want these "SEWER LIZARDS" captured and tortured!

HEY, STOP LAUGHING, IT COULD'VE BEEN YOUR MEAT!

I'M DONE!

"Against Myself" Rant for 2-06-12

Good Morning, (Oh hell not really!)

Have you ever had a day that you didn't even want to be around yourself, and when every little thing was going wrong?? I think they are "Linus or Charlie Brown" moments. I can't remember which and this morning I really don't care!

Let's start with yesterday morning when my wife woke me up to inform me of the unceremonious death of our water heater! It wasn't even light out yet!

I was pretty impressed with myself when I arranged to have a service crew out by 8:30am. How was I to know that was my last "happy moment" of the day. After being informed by the service tech that our water heater was truly dead, and the "lottery winnings"(a slight exaggeration) needed to replace it, the fun began.

After contacting my son and asking him to install it. (I really appreciate him saying OK as opposed to laughing, and telling me where I could fly) I spent the next 8 unproductive hours researching the difference between "regular", "short", "medium", "tall", and custom size units as well as "glass", "ceramic", or "metal lined" tanks! I was waiting to see "animal skinned"! Oh yea , and I haven't even gotten to "single element", "double element" or "chimp riding a bike" power at 3800 watts or 4500 watts! Then there is "20amp, 30amp, and "candle power". The ultimate wild card however, is my wife's budget.

After many hours of searching and researching I finally found a suitable unit. I was once again feeling "the man power", but naturally the feeling didn't last when I found there was a two week wait for delivery. But as most intelligent "male chimps" I had a plan B and put it into action. What a happy chimp I was when it came together. I paid for the unit and arranged to pick it up today.

Well today is a new day and I am once again feeling "the power", but once again not so fast. I woke up early and decided to do some paperwork before picking up the new water heater. Well, when I fired up the computer I got the "Danger Will Robinson" blue screen. I apparently have some kind of issue. My mood is now starting to go south and I haven't even been up and hour...GGGRRR

I spent the next hour "Hunting Computer Gremlins" which I fortuitously learned to do many years ago. Fortunately I was able to re-index my hard drive and solve the problem. I then went to pick up the new life sustaining appliance. (If you have a family with a teenage child you know why a water heater is a life saving appliance :)

When I get to the store I am pleased to see I am the first one heading to "merchandise pick-up" until, while looking down at my phone (as most of we human robots do while walking) I walked straight into a closed, locked glass door! (this provided extreme amusement to the employee's standing inside) Apparently the store didn't open for another 10 min!

Well I am finally inside and less than 10 min later they bring out the shiny object that will restore order and harmony to my world! I am ready to go, but oh no, it's not that easy! When we go outside to load the shiny object, a UPS truck is not only blocking the door, but also my truck! Keep in mind I am the only vehicle in the "customer loading area" There are at least 6 SPOTS! Why block me???

After 20 minutes of waiting, this driver doing his best imitation of a "Government Employee", decides to come out. He then gets an attitude when the store employee asks him to move the truck! The store employee also reminds him that customers have priority over deliveries, and that he should be at the loading dock and not the door...GO EMPLOYEE!

Finally we get "The Holy Grail" loaded and I am on my way! By now, as any self respecting chimp would want, I just want to get back to my tree, but there is still one more obstacle to overcome on my quest!

I am about 30 feet away from the turn on my road when "LO and BEHOLD" a  "HUMAN DUMMY" with a stop sign attached has the road closed! I am now forced to drive 6 miles around and come in the back way to get home. Considering I was 30 ft away from the turn, I am "NOT HAPPY"!  I started jumping on the seat and waving my arms like a chimp protecting his territory!

Finally, I get back to my tree and I am safely inside..My mood is so horrendous I don't even want to look in the mirror! I think I am going back to bed and put a "Tarzan" movie on! Maybe "Cheetah" can calm me down. If you don't know who Tarzan and Cheetah are TO BAD!!!!

I'M DONE!!

"WHO IS GETTING THE MONEY?" Rant for 2-01-12

Good Morning,
I know I haven't been ranting much, but it's amazing how life, and sometimes lack of motivation get's in the way. Sadly, there is no shortage of issues to rant about, and the sheer volume of subjects, from general discourtesy, downright rudness, to flat out dishonesty is overwhelming.

Today instead of "Ranting" I am posting the content of an e-mail I have received many times. I don't know who the original author is, but whether you are right, left, center, independent, or kangaroo it applies to all of us.

The people we have entrusted to run our country, state, and local governments, just do not care what we think. They continue to double dip everything that is funded by our tax dollars while screaming "poor mouth". Nowhere is this more evident than in our social security system, transportation funds at the state level, and the double-dipping of pensions at the local level. All the while jobs are at a premium.

With no further "pontificating" read below. This one only targets Social Security but there are many other programs that bear scrutinizing.

Who Gets Your Social Security When You Die?

"I didn't do or check the math on this, but I think that people really need to stop calling SS an entitlement like it is a dirty word. I think of it more as repaying a loan that the government borrowed from us.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

THE ONLY THING WRONG WITH THIS CALCULATION IS THEY FORGOT TO FIGURE IN THE PEOPLE WHO DIED BEFORE THEY COLLECTED THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY!!!! WHERE DID THAT MONEY GO?????????????

This was sent to me, I am sending it on because it does touch a nerve in me.

This is another example of what Rick Perry called "TREASON in high places"!!!

Remember, not only did you contribute to Social Security but your employer did too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only $30K over your working life, that's close to $220,500.

If you calculate the future value of $4,500 per year (yours & your employer's contribution) at a simple 5% (less than what the government pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working you'd have $892,919.98.

If you took out only 3% per year, you'd receive $26,787.60 per year and it would last better than 30 years (until you're 95 if you retire at age 65) and that's with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit! If you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you'd have a lifetime income of $2,976.40 per month.

The folks in Washington have pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madoff ever had.

Entitlement my ass, I paid cash for my social security insurance!!!! Just because they borrowed the money, doesn’t make my benefits some kind of charity or handout!!

Congressional benefits ---- free healthcare, outrageous  retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, three weeks paid  vacation, unlimited paid sick days, now that's welfare, and  they have the nerve to call my social security retirement  entitlements?

We're "broke" and can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans or Homeless.

In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti, Chile, and Turkey. And now Pakistan ......home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income'  receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our  government and religious organizations pour Hundreds  of Billions of $$$$$$'s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!

They call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when it's time for us to collect, the government is running out of money.

Why did the government borrow from it in the first place? Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave 'US' the same support they give to other countries. "

Sad isn't it?

Remember there arer very few that do not have to figure Social Security in their retirement plan!

Just food for thought kiddies, PT Barnum said one was born every minute..HHHHHHMMMM

I'M DONE!

"EVOLUTION OF MAN" Rant For 1-09-12

Well, this is my first RANT of the New Year! I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday. ours was fine, but as always I am my own worst enemy, but that's a different rant. :)

Recently, I observed what I consider a shining example of how far human intelligence has taken us. I had stopped at one of my favorite convenience stores to fill up my truck, and get coffee. This is where I must have entered an alternate universe, or the twilight zone where nothing is as it seems.

I pulled to the gas pump and filled my tank and then proceeded inside to pay for the fuel, and also to get coffee. Upon leaving the store I observed a shining example of why we should "THIN THE HERD"!

Now we all know, have been taught, or at least are vaguely aware of the potential dangers of smoking, or speaking on a cell phone while fueling! I am going to give one better....hang on it's coming! Don't be so impatient.

As I said, upon leaving the store I observed a prime example of why some animals "EAT THEIR YOUNG"!  Directly across from me is what I can only describe as a "PRIMORDIAL THROWBACK" LEANING AGAINST THE GAS PUMP, WHILE SMOKING A CIGARETTE, AND TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE! now here is the good part! HIS ENGINE WAS RUNNING WHILE HE WAS PUMPING THE GAS!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I have my "BILL ENGVALL" moments, and should be given a sign.(If you don't know who Bill Engvall is Google is wonderful.)  I also know some of us take a chance on cold mornings and leave our engines running while fueling, but honestly, temperatures here in Maryland have rarely been below 50 this fall and winter. Even if they were, how many of you would stand there, smoke, talk on your phone, and leave you engine running while gassing up??? If you raised your hand, please proceed to the nearest forest and put antlers on during deer season!

 I began contemplating the odds of making it to my truck, (which was two pumps down) and getting out of there before the "IMPENDING FIREBALL" destroyed the whole damn block. I also had the urge to "SMACK THIS GUY IN THE HEAD"and "TAKE HIS PICTURE", but I didn't want to waste valuable escape time. I did feel a little bad while walking to my truck, because I didn't shout to the other people at the pumps, but they did seem to be moving a little faster than normal :)

What was really worrying me was the thought that this "HUMAN SEEDLING" had possibly bred! I also thought; If his home stove pilot light goes out, "DOES HE CHECK IT WITH A MATCH"?However, I really didn't think of it long, because I noticed I was "PEELING RUBBER" as I left the gas station, with an unusual amount of cars on my bumper.

I think I've made a good case for "THINNING THE HERD" and why this guy should be "FOOD FOR OTHER SPECIES"

I'M DONE!

"SOAP VS BODY WASH" RANT 12-19-11

Well today I am returning to the root purpose of this "Rant" blog. My last two political Rant's met with spirited discussion on both sides of the ball. You must be close to center when you can inspire both sides to comment. There were some excellent points made, and I respect all the comments. With that said let's move on.:)

I am sure that "SOAP VS BODY WASH" is not a question everyone ponders in the morning, but after my experience, maybe we should.

I have come to the conclusion that "BODY WASH" is a "DIABOLIC" product invented just to piss us off! Follow me on THIS journey, I promise to keep it "CLEAN" (I know, but I couldn't resist)

I woke up on Sunday preparing to take my usual shower and keep my universe in sync, when I suddenly realized I was out of soap! Now, I have been using bars of soap since my earliest memories, I don't think I can remember a time when I was out of soap. (This is due to an amazing stocking job by my wife!) Today however, there is no soap to be found! Since I am partial to only two brands of the "LITTLE RECTANGULAR BARS OF CLEANER" I sensed a crisis arising!

I proceeded downstairs to see if my wife could direct me to some "EMERGENCY STASH" of the product, but NAY-NAY (to use John Pinnett's phraseology) there was none to be found. My wife then made the "EVIL" suggestion that I use "BODY WASH". That is when the fun began!

Now guys, if you are not familiar with "BODY WASH" pay close attention, you are about to be educated! My wife began to show me various bottles of these "POTIONS" that vary in consistency and fragrance (women's of course) from "COCONUT" to COCOA BUTTER! My vision was that of projecting the fragrance of a member of the opposite sex all day! I was not looking forward to this.

I then found out my son uses "BODY WASH" (fragranced for men, natuarally.) and his isn't cheap! Over $3.00 a bottle! WHAT THE HELL! I know that the soap I use is not over $3.00 a bar! Oh I forgot, my son's is also a SHAMPOO! I don't know about you, but I find "MULTI-PURPOSE" products very dubious.  I am also now wondering how much we spend on "BODY WASH.. hhhmmm

Well finally I find one of these "ALIEN MIXTURES" I can live with, and head to the shower. Well little did I know that finding some was just the begining! My first problem was with coordination. Now, when you are using soap, as long as you hold the bar of "SOAP" you have a uninterrupted supply of cleaner :) Simple concept huh? As long as you do not drop it, your showering experience flows smoothly! NOT WITH BODY WASH! First you need to squeeze this "MIXTURE" that has the  consistency of  JOHN CARPENER'S "THE BLOB" from the bottle. This needs to happen continuously, as there is never enough in your hands. Now I don't know about you, but I don't need to be pounding and squeezing a bottle like it was ketchup, so I can get clean! Then this "GOO" never  lathers up!!  I found it extremely labor intensive. Sorry, I don't get in the shower to work. It reminded me of those little bars of soap you get at a hotel THAT NEVER SEEM TO LATHER!

Finally, after what seemed like working an 8 hour day I was finished, or so I thought. Here is the really "DIABOLICALLY DEADLY" part. All the lather you didn't think you were getting while showering, had silently, and invisibly, accumulated on the bottom of the tub! When I went to get out of the shower I slid from back to front like TOM CRUISE on the wood floor in "RISKY BUSINESS", but trust me, it did not look as graceful or as smooth :) After righting myself I did manage to escape with nothing broken but my dignity.


So here is my advice. If you are like me and have a "HARMONIOUS" morning routine and are used to bars of "SOAP", then run out and buy as much of your "FAVORITE PERSONAL CLEANER" as your bank account and storage capacity will permit. Buy it as though the world as you know it was coming to end tomorrow. Do anything to avoid using the "COLD WAR LAB" invention called "BODY WASH"!

However, If you want a "FEAR FACTOR", and "RISKY BUSINESS" experience in your tub or shower...Then there is a product just daring you to use it..yes, once again, "BODY WASH"! :O

DAMN BODY WASH!

I'M DONE!

"DEJA-VU RANT 12-15-11

I can't belive it's the middle of December and we still have temps in the 50's! It's Great! OK, I'll move on.

I've been thinking about the adage, "The more things change, the more they remain the same" this has proven true many times recently, but one event has brought it home. The recent PEPPER SPRAYING of peacefully protesting students at the University of California-Davis Campus.

This incident, and many similar like it across the country, remind me of my teenage years in the 60's. (Yes, I am that old, no comments please) especially the killing's of students at Kent State (A University in Ohio) by National Guardsman.

This incident has served to remind me that not much has changed. We have still not learned to teach, or evaluate properly some of  the "OATMEAL-BRAINED", "EGO-CENTRIC", "KNUCKLE-DRAGGERS" we give guns or badges to. THESE "EVOLUTIONARY DEAD-ENDERS" give the excellent law enforcement officers a bad name. Their lack of common sense and their inability to assess a situation properly is amazing! Where were they trained at" COP-WANNABEE'S" on line?  Add to that the instructions by the "FIFEDOM'S QUEEN", sorry I mean college chancellor, to remove the students, and you have an impending disaster reminicent of the 60's

What I also find disturbing are the "CAVE-DWELLERS", and TREE-HANGERS" that laughed this off and told the students, and other "OCCUPIERS" to get a job! Do you "VACUUM BRAINS" understand that our students are the future of our country, as those of the 60's were and are? Also, If the "OCCUPIERS"were able to get jobs in their chosen fields, there would be no reason to protest. Maybe if they "OUTSOURCE" your "MOONSHINE" operation and steal money from your bank accounts you'll understand!

Here's another point CHUCKLES. If their rights are violated today, then yours could be tomorrow! Chew that with your tobacco!

What I also find curious, is that during the "MILLION MAN" march and "TEA-BAGGER"  (Opps, I mean Tea Party) protests there were no arrests, but yet they "PEPPER SPRAY" peacefully protesting students, while wearing "RIOT GEAR".  Megyn Kelly on FOX News said that it may have been "MORALLY"  wrong, but she didn't think it was illegal. REALLY!!!

As I said before, the more things change the more they remain the same. Today it's them, tomorrow it may be you...but wait it already is, whose money was used to bail-out corporate america after they caused the largest financial collapse in history? (for which NO ONE went to jail) And, whose jobs have been outsourced for the good of corporate profits and greed? In case you need a reminder YOUR'S!

 Do you really think this is just about students and occupiers? REALLY! While we may not agree with the protestor's views, we should at least respect their right to peacefully protest. After all, it's our right too.

I'M DONE!

"INTO THE BREACH ONCE MORE" RANT FOR 12-14-11

Good Day All,

Once again personal has taken priority over the blog, but hey, here I am.

I once again am going to touch the "HOT STOVE" we call politics. As many of you are, I am not a fan of the lack of promised progress this administration touted. I am not ashamed to admit I voted for Mr. Obama, I am just disappointed. However, where congress is concerned I am just &^%$#@! angry! These polictical versions of "SUCKER FISH" have made the problem a 1000% worse with their constant partisan bickering.

I have recently been looking at the right to see if there was a crumb to grab on to, but wouldn't you know it! These "PARASTICAL BACTERIA" continue to to talk out of their "REARS" and to insult our intelligence. This party that tout's tax breaks and fiscal conservatism, has once again shown that only applies if you are wealthy or part of corporate america. The snake has once again reared it's ugly head with a forked tongue!

After threatening to "SHUT DOWN" the government over the issue of expiring tax cut's for the rich. They have "ABRUPTLY" switched sides where "MIDDLE WORKING AMERICA" is concerned. They won't approve extending tax breaks for working america unless they get what they want, a MASSIVE oil pipeline project. Don't misunderstand me, I am not wholly against the pipeline, I am against holding the people who pay the bills in this country HOSTAGE, so corporate america can make profits. If Obama wants to make points he needs to grow some balls and literally tell these "MEDUSA" like congressmen to STICK IT!

Our government continues to ignore not only our own protests, but protests from around the world! People have had it! Start doing what is right for the country, not the "BOTTOM FEEDING LOBBYIST'S"

I'M DONE!